I am Done.

I have tried and tried to be positive and make things are okay, and anytime I get one step forward, I am kicked 5 steps back.  I'm losing my job and don't have the skills to get one anywhere else since I can't be a delivery driver because my car is fucked up and I sure as hell can't get it fixed.  At this moment in time, I can't even drive my car, and since my husband goes to work before me, I have to find my own way in.  Not to mention he is blaming himself for it being messed up and acting all mopey which has me even more depressed.

I honestly am at the point I think death would be easier.  I am just a burden on everyone, even people at church don't want anything to do with me outside of church, I am just that pathetic of a person.  I have no friends, I'm just pathetic.  I have tried so hard to be a better person, but after losing my dad, I have a hard time looking on the bright side.  And since I work second shift I can't even be there for my mom when she needs me.  I'm just not worth anything and I am tired of being on this earth.

Everything I have ever done has been for nothing.  I worked my ass off to help a 'friend' that was using me.  I worked it off again when my dad was sick because i thought if I can just save the money he can get a transplant.  I worked so much I barely saw him, and now it is too late.  I'm married, and yes I love him, but he never helps around the house, constantly wastes money on stupid shit, even know when we need to be saving.  Anytime he gets annoyed or upset about anything, it's like it is my fault because he gives me the silent treatment.

I swear I have tried to be positive, but I just can't anymore...I'm sorry everyone...I'm sorry I am just a failure.  I hope you all have better lifes.   Unless some miracle happens....I think I will be done...for good....so bye....