I am dealing with my needs and desires, as is each of us -
went to services this morning
and really was empowered by that idea
of seeing it was 'the same story over and over' here.
It really made delivering my end of responsibilities easier
and again avoid being hypnotized by the presentation
then I had lunch at the trapeza (cafeteria)
and then came up to my room for the weekly sunday family zoom call.
I was really trying to be aware of what I was asking of my brother, father
and little sister in our conversation.
I totally feel like I have demanded a lot from Dad, unconsciously at times, not knowing how else to relate prior -
but then as Dad, my bro and I talked - I relaxed and I realized or reflected (am I trying to be the center of attention?) and I stopped myself from doing so -
I could relax and refrain
I saw that we each had needs like that and I tried to just keep aware of how I was
impacting everyone - finding definition in the group - while giving myself room to be the person I am - among the
group - i am having a hard time describing it -
but I wrote these bullet points while going about my time at the pub:
*-Needs can define our identity
*-as can Desires too and orientation
*-how we handle them too can be a source
I went to the pub and my sister Anne called from Spain.
We had a long chat for us - at times I couldn't hear her
and at times I reckon she couldn't hear me either - she was in a spanish
train station and I was in a crowded pub -
but it was a good conversation
after the conversation and As I went on my way - and even now too - I am feeling a great deal
of pride and peace in terms of me defining my life - and not feeling like it has
to be hermetically separate from my family's lives - but I can see it all within the vision of how
I am dealing with my needs and desires, as is each of us -
does this make sense?
Peace
Replies
It's nice that you were able to catch up with so much of the family sweetie and get out a bit to relax and treat yourself...xo
Thanks Janet!
I'm back in my room now. The Abbess took me aside tonight during services because we haven't
spoken 'one on one' in a while and I had poked my head into her office earlier to say hi but she was busy.
I have to admit she nearly caught me tonight checking my phone
behind the iconostasis! lol - Everyone does it - but not good.
It was nice to talk to her - we stepped into
the prayer closet to the right of the altar and she straight away said 'is something bugging you?'
I was telling her about my struggles a little bit 'trying to figure things out in life' and having
a sense of finding a sense of peace and then being undermined mentally - and she suggested to
'do good works' 'help someone' when I feel undermined by the dark energy -
or 'read the bible' - I appreciate that - I like doing something nice for folks - she said 'keep it real' - keep grounded -
really good suggestions - (in retrospect ) (and I am doing really well now so
writing this passage feels like I am going down a dark path but I think it's important
to tell all this)
I have to also admit -the austerity of living here is getting to me tonight -
I am really looking forward to the upcoming trip to Florida (2 weeks from tomorrow!)
Though things are austere here they have also have engendered a kind of psychological
platform (along with discussions with my doc) to see the essential relationships outside of me
and within me - and I feel clearer since being here -
- I feel connected to society here to a certain extent - and when I have to self define
that is when I get into challenges - and now how to do it - define - and think
about it as well. I am understanding what I am asking of folks, friends and family
and with my doc too. With my doc it is the forum to talk about things - but I just spoke to my Dad
and I was set on talking in terms of what we were both experiencing - and it made
for a good adult to adult relaxed conversation.
have a good night!
(((((Marcos)))))) <3 <3 <3
Thanks lil missy!