I AM A MESS!

10-17-09:  Today is twenty-eight months since Scott died.  He would've been twenty-four on October 22, this coming Thursday.  It just seems to get harder, in so many ways.  Someday he will be gone longer than he was alive.....how strange that will be.   I am not looking forward to school next week.  It is Red Ribbon Week.  That is always a hard week for me due to all the "stories" about drugs, users, etc.  It just brings up a lot!  And this year "White-Out" day will be on Scott's birthday.  That is when, each hour, the grim reaper, with a white face, comes in a class and white-outs another face. Those kids can't talk the rest of the day or be spoken to.  It represents the deaths drugs cause.  That is very hard on me.  I really wish the school would do away with that part.  Not only is it hard for any who have lost a child, the kids just think it is fun.  They just don't get it.    I was going to take Scott's birthday off.  But, I missed three days, due to illness, last week.  I had an ear infection, a sinus infection, and a respiratory infection.  YUCK!!!  My doctor pretty much insisted I take all three days off.   A couple of schools around here have closed due to illness.  This H1N1 thing is so huge I don't think anyone wants to take any chances.  My doctor told me his office isn't even testing for it anymore.  They are just assuming that if you have Type A influenza, you have H1N1.  Anyway, I hope no one at school says anything to me about being off.  At least I have a doctors excuse.  And, he happens to be on the school board.  I think I am just paranoid with all the other stuff at school. I have been reading so many journals lately.  It seems many of us are having a really hard time.  I am trying to remember, as sad as I am about Scott, I am not walking this journey alone.  I think I just get caught up in my own stuff and forget to look around.  So, to everyone reading this, and even those who are not, I do care. And, even though I am no longer very good at giving "hugs" or responding to journals, my thoughts are with you.