I already know what's going to happen

Im so ashamed at myself. I can't believe I f'ed all what was expect ed of me along with what I expected for myself. I let myself down horribly. Oh my sweet Lord, what if the judge doesn't give me a second chance.? I told her, mommy is coming to get her. Now I' lied to the only one who truly matters to me. I severely, severely hate myself more then ever in my whole entire life. I'm such a failure and totally pathetic. I know what it is. Being with my mom and not having a mother and daughter relationship. That so wrong of me. I've been trying to get into a inpatient program but no luck. I'm failing myself and worse I'm failing my daughter. I try though I really do. I tell Lucy to leave me alone with asking me for money to pitch in, wwatching my cousin for her so she can go score, telling me she's going to go see them and for me to make a phone call. And yes when I do run out and she has some but won't give me any I when I get dope sick then ill still it from her and shell get mad. She never has stolen in her life and I know that's true about her. But then she gets mad at me and says she will never help me again and she wants nothing to ever do with me and then she tells me I don't do anything for her. And ask everyone here, I probably do more for her then she does herself. That so dumb. I won't go into detail but I do do a lot for her. And she calls me selfish. If she can't recognize that then she's selfish too. And I don't know why she gets upset about me stealing her dope to the point of wanting anything to do with me. She honestly is going to give me up because of a drug,, because of my addiction?. That's so stupid. Makes no sense. She knows what this drug will do to a person. She knows people will do things they regret or they would never expect to do in their whole life, so why does she have to talk about disowning me. When she first started using, she abandoned my brother and me. And that had permanently scarred me. I have  problems til this day with dealing with abandonment. It seemed like everyone I ever loved had abandoned me, and here now I'm doing it to my daughter . What the beck is a matter with me. I need to get away from this house for just a few days. Go stay in a motel because I feel once I have those three days on my back then I won't want to mess that all up. I should make a gofundme account. And try to get some assistance cause no family, friends or job .means I won't be going anywhere.