hyper vigilance
I am recognizing that I can be hyper vigilant - worried very much about 'how I am being' and 'how I want my behavior to be' - I am getting past it though - My psychiatrist on Friday offered to me the idea of 'getting something out of what I do in life' - rather than be hyper self critical - it rang a bell to me - so much of my hyper vigilance has caused me to get exhausted at the thought of exertion out there - and the bravery it would take to get out of the house and get involved.
So yesterday I had an epiphany, a realization of how I am getting on in the world - I started to relax and see another way I could benchmark my awareness for who I am and what I do - in a much less self abusive way. I know this must sound crazy - but this idea is just a really welcome permission to relax a bit and still keep aware of what things mean.
I am finding when I am with others it's real important to be comfortable with yourself. Yesterday when I was at the charity walk - I was a lone 'walker' - most everyone else had partners or groups they were with- and I found it really hard to connect with others - and was so uncomfortable with myself standing there alone. But I did it. I just kind of embraced myself in a way - though still uncomfortable - I found a perch to the side of the crowd and just relaxed and listened to the opening speech and then went on the walk.
Anyways I go to my parents' house today. I may go to the gym later on. I ate four ice cream sandwiches yesterday -
so bubba is chubba. :)
Replies
Good for you getting out on a charity walk Marky..... That's nice and to do it when you aren't really comfortable takes courage....
I hope that you enjoyed that ice cream....haha.... Bubba is chubba…… lol...… I'm afraid I am now to.... Too much chocolate
Have a great time at the folks LC..... Big squishy hug....xo
thanks Jan!! BIG HUGS AND KISSES!!
Proof unavailable, but I does believe that hyper-vigilance is my most theraputed psych symptom. Surviving child sex trafficking does that to a psyche. I'm okay with calling ^it^ crazy. I ain't a-confessing what happened to the last persons who called ^it^, "Sane" or any euphemism thereof. I'm okay calling I'm okay calling that one, "Crazy," too. "Brass Ovaries Psycho" might be more accurate. (BOP?)
Proof far more available than interesting, but my hyper-vigilant data might be the most skewed info in my data files. Did you know that I have assumed you to be socially adept, too? Briefly. Then I remembered that I only know your DS internet persona. In my hyper-vigilant mode, I operate on conditioned fears, assumption, innuendo and outward appearances far more than living, breathing fact. When I am hyper-vigilant, my senses are as impaired as a meth head's. Sober up first. Ply therapy exercises here. Gather data and analyze later.
So it seems to me. . . Did I mention that I am okay being called, "Crazy?" Just the facts, Ma'am/Sir.
I have my issues arfie but I am every trying to grow and develop. We deserve good things and sometimes the hyper vigilance helps me learn and see things that helps me progress.