Hurting , sad and lost

 I thought things were getting a little bit easier but what a roller coaster of emotions, I feel like I did when Giz first passed, it may be my own fault . First I changed my vanity plate and have my Giz's nickname on them and his little harness on my rearview mirror and I put what was an awesome pic of him on my computer screen, but when I look at it he is laying in the same spot where I last saw him before he passed, his eyes are so wide open like they always were , questioning taking it all in , its one of my fav pictues of him, I have found myself touching the screen, actually kissed it , no I am not crazy. I need him with me, even if a pic. I do not want time to erase his face from my mind I want to see him daily, in front of me..I know you'll say , take that pic off the computer , you have your memories, hes in your heart, if I take that pic off ,what ....just press delete ??? Remove ? How can I ? I cant...does anyone know what I mean ?? I have cried so much lately , it hasnt been that long June 7th...I thought the tears had lessened , that I was empty, unable to feel, and here I am ..I have my garden am worried about when winter comes and I cant see where my Giz lays..he hated the winter , the cold, his little feet wet , maybe I am crazy..I just know I love that little boy with all my heart and it hurts so much to be without him...I love you my little GizzyMoMo