Hurting alot.
I feel horrible right now. I was just happy 5 minutes ago and nothing happened. I'm watching tv and I'm watching a show that I enjoy. I love watching House and there's always a marathon of House every other day. I have no idea why I'm getting worse. This is nothing compared to how my depression was years ago, but still this isn't my normal everyday depression. The more I get depressed the longer I stay depressed.
I'm crying and can't stop. I'm trying to not think of bad things right now. I'm just trying to concentrate on typing this. My legs hurt alot worse. My chest hurts. I'm getting a headache. My eyes hurt a little. My knees hurt the most out of everything. The longer my legs and knees hurt, the more likely it is for me to have a leg spasm. I get those pains every time I get depressed. So, I'm not sure if the pain triggers the depression. Or if the depression triggers the pain. Sometimes my legs hurt and I get depressed and sometimes I'm depressed and my chest starts hurting. Maybe it's both.
My mind is racing right now. It's hard to concentrate on having a conversation right now. I can type, but actually talking to a person is getting pretty difficult. I have a strong urge to hurt myself. I want to just beat down my body and make it shut up. I know it's not my body's fault. My body is suffering tremendous pain right now. Emotionally, physically, mentally. The mental pain is the worst for me.
My head is getting worse and my back and the pain in my body is spreading. My stomach hurts alot right now. Can't stop thinking of random shit. Thinking that if I was gone then no one would be effected by it. Not that I want a whole bunch of people to remember me. I just feel that my existence is just useless. I feel that every part of me is just a waste of everyone's time.
I'm just really anxious and really tired because my depression and physical pain kept me up. It has been keeping me up for a few days now and I'm really tired right now. I only got maybe 5 hours of sleep in the past 4 days. I just feel horrible right now and it seems like my depression is trying to control when I can sleep along with my happiness.
I'm crying and can't stop. I'm trying to not think of bad things right now. I'm just trying to concentrate on typing this. My legs hurt alot worse. My chest hurts. I'm getting a headache. My eyes hurt a little. My knees hurt the most out of everything. The longer my legs and knees hurt, the more likely it is for me to have a leg spasm. I get those pains every time I get depressed. So, I'm not sure if the pain triggers the depression. Or if the depression triggers the pain. Sometimes my legs hurt and I get depressed and sometimes I'm depressed and my chest starts hurting. Maybe it's both.
My mind is racing right now. It's hard to concentrate on having a conversation right now. I can type, but actually talking to a person is getting pretty difficult. I have a strong urge to hurt myself. I want to just beat down my body and make it shut up. I know it's not my body's fault. My body is suffering tremendous pain right now. Emotionally, physically, mentally. The mental pain is the worst for me.
My head is getting worse and my back and the pain in my body is spreading. My stomach hurts alot right now. Can't stop thinking of random shit. Thinking that if I was gone then no one would be effected by it. Not that I want a whole bunch of people to remember me. I just feel that my existence is just useless. I feel that every part of me is just a waste of everyone's time.
I'm just really anxious and really tired because my depression and physical pain kept me up. It has been keeping me up for a few days now and I'm really tired right now. I only got maybe 5 hours of sleep in the past 4 days. I just feel horrible right now and it seems like my depression is trying to control when I can sleep along with my happiness.
Replies