Hurting

I am alone, and overwhelmed. I wish I felt heard, seen, or considered. I know I am not an easy person to be around. I just wish I was given a chance with people, so they i might actually be seen and heard, not just judged and reacted to. 

Why do you get to say what ever you want, how ever you want, and I do not get to respond. 

I can ask a direct question and not a get an answer, and at times no response. 

I am invisible or the problem. I don't get to grow or change. Why would I believe I can change. Very few people who act like I can or ever do.

I try to limit needing anything from anyone. If I want or need anything, I have to get it on my own, and just bc I think it is important or need it, it has to matter to someone else to have value. 

I wish I believed to mattered, but my experience does not say this true. When will I matter. Every one else and their lives matter more than me. The world does not include me. I just annoy or piss them off.