hurrting

why does God want me 2 remain in this marriage?  he wont even tell me that hell stop contact with his mistress  how cldnt that hurt anyone?  and yet his words mean nothing.  why do i have 2 b here.  i thought how wld i fl if he came 2 me and sd that he was leave me 4 kim.  i think id be relieved.  id be free.  this hurts so much lorrd.  how am i supposed 2 b ok with this?  id go 4 a drrive but carr dying.  im tired and my tummy hurrts.  prob 2 much wine.  does he even want 2 change?  wheres the fruit?