Hummmm
After answering yesterday's comments, I came up with this: I am fiercely independent, or want to be. I wondering if my exploratory phase was blocked when I was young. "I want to do it MY way" seems to be a big theme for me and is confirmed by Gwen's observations. I have seen enough, and done enough, to understand that, like me, the 'others' don't always have the best way to do things. It's like I've had enough 'instruction' about how everyone else wants things done to 'their' satisfaction, and now I'm wanting things done to MY satisfaction. I want to express MY creativity; except I don't want to do it forcefully. or as forcefully as others. I am not a 'demanding' person. I don't do threats or throw overt tantrums if I don't get my way, I am covert. I leave, I withdraw. Arguring, fighting, oppression, are not in my temperament. If I can't get cooperation in attaining a goal, I choose to leave and to do it myself, alone. The conflict that Gwen noted yesterday is that I am beginning to refuse dominance from the demands of others, real or implied, where I must 'sacrifice' what I want in order to insure someone else gets what they demand for their happiness and gain.
I am rejecting conformity, as a form of dominance. It's the extravert/introvert conflict all over again, without an eventual solution. Extraverts need (demand) companionship and relationships. In my opinion they demand conformity to the rules they make for their needs, and that everyone must agree to conform to those needs, and that everyone is the same. Extraverts are OBSESSED with social interaction, not so with introverts. In our society extraverts are in the majority, and are ruthless in their obsession to apply their needs overtly. Introverts do not need social interaction all the time, they are often not addicted to material things and the collection thereof. Introverts spend most of their time in their own minds. They think, deeply; about things. They need inner-stimulation. Extraverts NEED outer-stimulation; and cannot help themselves in disturbing the peace of others in order to get their needs for external stimulation and social intercourse met. The worst punishment for extraverts is solitary confinement, isolation, "go to your room!" Isolation is a threat to extraverts. You don't threaten introverts with isolation. Their reasoning is "You're going to finally give me some peace and quiet? You're not going to bother me with your constant S_ _ T! for awhile? Is THIS your threat or punishment? Cool! I'm in!" Then, when the 'parent' realizes that their 'punishment' isn't forcing conformity, but is actually being enjoyed, they become MORE enraged! How DARE this person not fear my fears, they don't get it, they're being punished because I feel this is a punishment worse than death! They, the introverts, 'should' feel like I feel! We're in the majority! We set the rules for feelings! Everyone MUST obey these feelings in order for us to feel safe as a society of extraverts! Everyone MUST conform! Majority Rules! MY NEEDS ARE THE ONES THAT NEED TO BE MET. EVERYONE MUST CONTRIBUTE TO GETTING MY NEEDS MET! NO EXCEPTIONS!
Whew! I'm glad I got that out of my system. That was fun! Let's do it again real soon.
Hugs,
Rich The Unhappy
"It's as though rebellion was a bad thing."
:>)
I am rejecting conformity, as a form of dominance. It's the extravert/introvert conflict all over again, without an eventual solution. Extraverts need (demand) companionship and relationships. In my opinion they demand conformity to the rules they make for their needs, and that everyone must agree to conform to those needs, and that everyone is the same. Extraverts are OBSESSED with social interaction, not so with introverts. In our society extraverts are in the majority, and are ruthless in their obsession to apply their needs overtly. Introverts do not need social interaction all the time, they are often not addicted to material things and the collection thereof. Introverts spend most of their time in their own minds. They think, deeply; about things. They need inner-stimulation. Extraverts NEED outer-stimulation; and cannot help themselves in disturbing the peace of others in order to get their needs for external stimulation and social intercourse met. The worst punishment for extraverts is solitary confinement, isolation, "go to your room!" Isolation is a threat to extraverts. You don't threaten introverts with isolation. Their reasoning is "You're going to finally give me some peace and quiet? You're not going to bother me with your constant S_ _ T! for awhile? Is THIS your threat or punishment? Cool! I'm in!" Then, when the 'parent' realizes that their 'punishment' isn't forcing conformity, but is actually being enjoyed, they become MORE enraged! How DARE this person not fear my fears, they don't get it, they're being punished because I feel this is a punishment worse than death! They, the introverts, 'should' feel like I feel! We're in the majority! We set the rules for feelings! Everyone MUST obey these feelings in order for us to feel safe as a society of extraverts! Everyone MUST conform! Majority Rules! MY NEEDS ARE THE ONES THAT NEED TO BE MET. EVERYONE MUST CONTRIBUTE TO GETTING MY NEEDS MET! NO EXCEPTIONS!
Whew! I'm glad I got that out of my system. That was fun! Let's do it again real soon.
Hugs,
Rich The Unhappy
"It's as though rebellion was a bad thing."
:>)
Replies
You know, that really ISN\'t how the world or people are...
If appears more of a
Persecution complex though not a clinical entity. It refers to the feeling and belief that others are out to get you or hurt you, disapprove of you, dislike you. There are various degrees. Sometimes it is an exaggeration of a real situation and at other times it is totally ungrounded in reality, a product of the person\'s INNER LIFE\'s PROJECTION ON THE WORLD. . That is when it is called paranoia.
Please check this out...
http://www.confusion.discover-your-mind.co.uk/3b-pride%20and%20paranoia.htm
Yes I know, but I have to get those thoughts out in order to study them. You\'re doing exactly what you\'re supposed to be doing for me...it\'s like therapy, except I\'m doing it in an open forum with my friends, who,by the way, I feel safe with letting my thoughts and feelings be known. How else can I purge this crap if I don\'t get it out? It\'s part of the process. I certainly can\'t make progress one hour at a time once every two weeks. I have to be willing to make a fool of myself in order to find out just how foolish I am. I\'m no longer willing to hide my feelings, the ones that are \'wrong\' need to be challenged and changed; but as long as they remain inside they can\'t be healed. It\'s an easier way for my \'observer-self\' to observe and reflect about what I said/thought/felt. It ain\'t easy, but it has to be done! Sure I feel stupid after I write some of this stuff, but that\'s the point: give myself the freedom to speak truthfully, unconditionally. Free assocoiation; let the unconscious come out and play! Then I can read it\'s thoughts. I have a difficult time doing both at the same time.
I already realized the part about projection this morning. One thing I \'hate\' about my best friend K is that she is o/c; which is also a projectioin of what I don\'t like about myself. But until I get out and start yammering about it outloud it remains a thought that is just pushed aside by the next thought.
As far as paranoia, yes! I\'m beginning to think so too, but why? Why do I continue this habit? What\'s the pay-off? That\'s the shyness. There\'s a great article this morning on Inner Bonding, about happiness is about being loving, and that you can\'t really love others (which gives you happiness) unless you love yourself. That\'s the path I\'m still on.
I also think that the reason I did so well in school, and do so now, is so I don\'t feel stupid. I\'m afraid I\'m really stupid???!!! So that\'s why I try to act/seem superior?! I can\'t prove that\'s the case right now, but I do need to investigate that possibility until it\'s proven or disproven. One thing for sure: I haven\'t done done much with my education in my lieftime yet. So what\'s the problem? Is it, in fact, that I don\'t love myself enough? Is it that I really am stupid? And just don\'t know it? Or is there a whole lot of other interferences? Something\'s still wrong...and I haven\'t found out what that something is yet, but by GOD I\'ll keep trying until I do.