Humiliated and Hurt like Hell

This is going to be a looooong post.  So if you don't want to stick with it the whole way I totally understand!  It's often tedious reading about someone elses woes and tragedies. 
 
So here goes nothing....
 
So some back history first.   My mother waited until my dad had been dead for about a year before she met her first boyfriend.  They were together for two years, and it ended in disastor.  So she waited another five years before seeing anyone again.  No body got serious, and very rarely did we meet any of the men she went on dates with.  About three years ago she met a man named Ray and this one was serious.  After a year of dating they moved in together.
 
Let me explain Ray.  My mother has been a recovering alcoholic for 16 years this July.  Ray has been a practicing alcoholic for forever.  My mother thought she could help him I think, but he didn't really want help.  He would get drunk almost every evening, and become opinionated, and impossible to understand.  I didn't like him much.
 
When my mother and he moved in together his ex girlfriend looked my up on facebook and started inboxing me nasty messages.  About how my mother was a whore, worthless, putrid, disgusting, ugly, and all sorts of nasty things.  She would also attack me, and my looks and behaviors, and my parenting skills.  After her message was sent she would give it a day or two to make sure I got it then block me so that I could neither reply nor block her.  Whenever the urge struck she would unblock me, send me another nasty message, and reblock me.
 
I learned to just ignore them no matter how hurtful there were.  She was a petty woman who didn't love herself enough to leave others alone.
 
Now here's the hurtful part.  The other day a friend of mine had some post asking a question on facebook.  So I replied with my answer and a girl on there, who turned out to be Ray's ex-step daughter, unloaded on me.  Right there, on this post, where everyone who was friends with my pal(and we have alot in common) could read it.
 
She said horrible things.  Like My brother is an accused child molester and he has children he does it to as well.  The truth behind that one is that when my father died, an adult family friend took it upon himself to explain to my little sister and I what rape was, what murder was, what sexual abuse was.  All the horrors he thought our dad would of protected us from.  My little sister got mad at my brother and called sexual abuse.   She was 6.  He was never convicted.  It was dropped when she confessed she lied to get back at him.  She didn't understand the severity of what she was saying.  And there was a rift in our family from it for awhile.  Even thought it was dismissed childrens services made my brother live in a foster home in a city 8 hours away for 2 years while my sister attended counselling.  They have a healthy relationship now.  And my brother does not touch his kids that way.  I trust him with my daughter.
 
She said my mother was a skank who got fired from her job of 18 years for stealing food.  What sort of a skid steals food?  My mother got fired from her job because the bussiness was sold.  The new owner fired all the older workers, hired young girls, got the place licensed and is turning it into a pub basically.  My mother did not steal anything.  And honestly, if she had stolen food, I would of defended her.  The sort of skid who steals food is the mother or grandmother in her case, who has mouths to feed and would do anything so they didn't go hungry.
 
She claimed that my fiancee and I were terrible people.  That anyone who knows us should get extra security.  That my neice got removed from our home because it was covered in cat feces.  I have one cat.  He is outside almost all the time.  She got taken because our home was never permanent and she was having more issues then we could deal with.  She was out of control and I was only 22.  I did what I could and that was that.  I am not a horrible person.
 
She claimed that my older sister was an unfit mother, a crack addict.  That was true.  And I didn't deny that.  But she's an alcoholic who brings strange men home every night.  And she has a daughter to worry about.  So who is she to throw stones? 
 
Here is what she said word for word....
 
first the answer to the pals question...and then
 
And umm, Sue, NO OFFENCE TO YOU, but Jolene and Joey are like bottom -rung....I had NO IDEA you had people like them as friends.
If I were you, and lived at home, I'd have my parents install security.
The Jonses and their...err...what--offspring?  Have been known to be trouble.  You should CUT IT OFF.  You don't need the stress. 
 
And then there was this
 
Thank God I am awesome.  My kids NEVER had to know their grandpa was a chester molester(she claims ray sexually abused her while he was with my mother in front of my mother).  But Jolene, Your brother "might be"...do you leave your child with him?  Sick...
 
My pal saved the convos but forgot to click more first so all the really  bad stuff didn't get saved.  It hurt.  Alot.  That she would first off, say these things, and that second, she would post them for all to see.  She claimed it was 'freedom of speech and her opinion' therefore it wasn't slander.
 
I met this girl twice in the two years my mother was with Ray.  I didn't say a whole lot of anything to her becuase I didn't like her.  Her three year old daughter was so attention starved, and when she talked to any of us Jesse would yell and smack her.  My mother and Ray let Jesse and her daughter live with them for a while because she had no where else to go.  But she stole money, she drank every day all day, she refused to get a job, she would call my mother horrible names to her face and accuse her of things that were just atrocious.  Finally she was kicked out, and she blamed my mum.
 
I blocked her.  But it doesn't feel like enough.  My pal deleted those messages when she saw them, but enough people had already read them.  It's out there now.  People think I'm a filthy pig, that my brother molests my daughter and his own, that my mother is a whore who has AIDS.  The only person she didn't attack was my little sister.  And they had serious words before, makes me wonder if she was drunk when she posted this.  I wish I could get her kicked off of facebook...but all I can do is block her.
 
When her mother gets wind of this she will unblock me and the nasty messages will start again.  It's been a year since my mother and Ray ended it.  Why will they not leave me alone?
 

Replies

QuinC
QuinC

WHAT the HELL??? OMG, Some people just dont have a life. She has serous issues. Even though those things didnt happen, what is it any of her business???? You need to make your profile unable to search and you can block her from looking you up. There is away for you to not recieve anything from her. I have done it to a few people. I am soooo sorry she did that. It was uncaused for.
deleted_user
deleted_user

I am constantly amazed at the depths some people will sink to in order to cause someone else pain. I am so sorry that you are a target right now. Do whatever you can to stay out of reach of this maniac.
deleted_user
deleted_user

Jolene... you and I have never even met in person and I would never, for one second, believe any of that! So I would hope that those who truly know you will also know what bullshit all of that is! You\'re an amazing, strong, loving, woman... and a devoted mother (not to mention a loyal daughter and sister)! People don\'t just end up that way by luck- I assume that you learned many of those traits from your own mother. So it\'s pretty clear, to me, even from afar, that you have a kick-ass mom who, herself, has a HUGE heart- raising her own kids, then her grandkids, and then also TAKING IN A STRANGER and her daughter?!? That is just amazing.. and this is how that girl repays her?? By attacking her and her family?? Jolene, SHE is the one who is \"bottom-rung.\" I hope you don\'t doubt that for a second.

Yeah, your family has had some issues... and you\'re pretty honest and straightforward about that... so if someone wants to judge you because of THAT, they\'re a moron! ALL families are dysfunctional in their own ways. YOU know the truth of what really happened in certain situations and who your family members are. It doesn\'t matter what some angry little twit thinks. Personally, it sounds like she is jealous of you in a lot of ways- you have a big family who loves each other, despite their problems... you have a beautiful daughter, a home, and a guy who loves you. Tearing you down makes her feel better. Don\'t let her win. Don\'t even dignify her drunken ramblings with a response- just block her AND her mother and forget about it. Isn\'t there a \"report\" feature on Facebook??

Anyone whose opinion is really worth anything will clearly see that that was just an angry attack by a very troubled woman. If they are willing to believe gossip about you, then they are probably not people you\'d want to have as friends anyhow. I know that doesn\'t make it suck any less. No one wants strangers to hear all kinds of things about you that are not true or are completely distorted. So I\'m really sorry that happened to you... I can\'t believe how petty and cruel some people can be. I\'ve had some people do similar things to me- my best friend\'s boyfriend in particular likes to send me random, nasty emails... I get mad, and I vent to my husband about it, but then I have to look at it like this- I think about how damaged and troubled he must be to lash out in such a way- I realize what an angry person he is. In the end, I kind of feel sorry for him and feel incredibly LUCKY that I am NOT like that. I don\'t know if that helps at all... just how I handle things.

Her lies are transparent. People WILL see through them. YOU do no deserve to be subjected to that, however, so just block her and her mom and forget about the crazy bitches! ;)

*hugs*
deleted_user
deleted_user

Oh, Jolene, I am so sorry that you were the brunt of that girls attack. There is just no need for someone to be like that. I heard a great saying this weekend \"say what you mean, mean what you say but don\'t say it mean\"....she could take some lessons on that....there was nothing nice about what she said.

As for facebook - you can delete her as a friend and you can specifically block individual people from accessing your profile...if you would like to do that and need help figuring out how, let me know.

Keep strong (as hard as it might be) and try to remember that your getting upset over that girls comments isn\'t going to help your situation. You have no control over what other people say. As hard as it is to find the good in something like that - you can look at it this way - at least you know what she is really like and now you can choose to block her from your life.

Keep smiling and keep posting...we are here to listen, no matter how short or long your post is...
joleneLS
joleneLS

Thanks for the support guys. She never was on my friends list, she and I have a friend in common and I was unaware that she was the one commenting as she was using a false name. Only after the torrent did I realize who she was. I did block her, you can\'t report someone unless they constantly find a way around your block and continue to harass you. As for her mom, she has about six facebook accounts under all different names and I never know who she is....

But I\'m doing my best to get past it!

Thanks again