Humble brag - April 29
April 29 marks the anniversary of when I was accepted into college. It marked the day I was truly going to leave my awful boyfriend who I lived with 2 years. I tried to move out before, but he convinced me to stay. He did so by asking to just, you know, join me while I looked at apartments? Then, when touring what would be my new home, he'd make comments like, you wouldn't like it here....But on the evening of April 29, I received a letter in the mail announcing my acceptance to my dream school! It's hard to believe, but after 3 years of working two jobs, taking community college night classes, I almost did not apply. I was so down on myself the last year I lived with him, I nearly did not complete the last 2 classes required for me to attend University. The last semester was the worse. Dealing with the grief of a lost baby, hearing him say "you know, most men would have left you at the hospital," but not him, he was "there for me." He, by the way, was the reason why I was in the hospital. This was just one of many mind games.
It made sense that after two years of this, my life was growing dark. I was losing myself. So it's appropriate that my school's motto is "Fiat Lux" or "Let there be light," because as soon as I read my acceptance letter, the light came back. I knew who I was and what I was capable of. As hard as he tried to hold me back, he wasn't going to keep me from going to my dream school. And he really tried to hold me back. Insults, putting me down, it got worse and became very obvious as he became desperate nearing the end of our relationship. When packing, he said things that, admittedly, stuck with me for years. I continued to carry his grief of a lost child and regretful decisions that we're not mine but his bullying and fear.
But you know what? Sitting in my cheap 500 square feet studio, in December studying for my finals, seeing my pathetic heater, with its thermostat reading 40 degrees inside my home, I did not once blink and say, "Oh he was right, I really do not like living here." Instead I knew and felt I was exactly where I belonged.
April 29, is a very important day, one that changed my life, mind and career. The irony is, it was also his birthday. Still trying to be a good girlfriend, I asked if he wanted to go out and celebrate since it was his birthday too. He said no, as though defeated and choose stayed home. Later, after I moved out, I was glad he did. Because damn it, April 29 is my day, my achievement, my work, and the result of my own stubborn ambition. He had no right to interfere and knew he was a fool for doing so.
It made sense that after two years of this, my life was growing dark. I was losing myself. So it's appropriate that my school's motto is "Fiat Lux" or "Let there be light," because as soon as I read my acceptance letter, the light came back. I knew who I was and what I was capable of. As hard as he tried to hold me back, he wasn't going to keep me from going to my dream school. And he really tried to hold me back. Insults, putting me down, it got worse and became very obvious as he became desperate nearing the end of our relationship. When packing, he said things that, admittedly, stuck with me for years. I continued to carry his grief of a lost child and regretful decisions that we're not mine but his bullying and fear.
But you know what? Sitting in my cheap 500 square feet studio, in December studying for my finals, seeing my pathetic heater, with its thermostat reading 40 degrees inside my home, I did not once blink and say, "Oh he was right, I really do not like living here." Instead I knew and felt I was exactly where I belonged.
April 29, is a very important day, one that changed my life, mind and career. The irony is, it was also his birthday. Still trying to be a good girlfriend, I asked if he wanted to go out and celebrate since it was his birthday too. He said no, as though defeated and choose stayed home. Later, after I moved out, I was glad he did. Because damn it, April 29 is my day, my achievement, my work, and the result of my own stubborn ambition. He had no right to interfere and knew he was a fool for doing so.
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