Human Nature......
Funny how your emotions work...When I sit here alone and its quiet my mind just starts working and not in a good way,I always go back to the last night with my Giz and that next morning and god I can beat myself up but let me see a posting of someone elses pain and you just step in saying dont feel this or think that , just offer some comforting words to say youre not alone. But when it comes to yourself thats a different story..I will be brutal with myself and say "you killed him, he'd be here today if only you did this or that, and when I try to say otherwise to myself that inner voice comes back with ...dont make excuses...youre the mom, you were supposed to be the one that protected him...wish I could be easier on myself..am sure there are many out there that are just like me ...thats why I come here, people will be honest with their responses and say yup I do that too, just nice to not be judged and people truly care
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Sweetie, I know what you mean. I do the samething. I say to myself maybe if I took Lindsey to that hospital that everyone was telling me about, that was so good with animals with cancer she\'d still be alive. But the hospital was 4 hours away! She would of never survied the trip. Then I say to myself maybe should would of. I could keep going back and forth in my mind till I drive myself nuts with the shoulda, woulda coulda\'s. I guess I will always think of that till the day I die. It\'s normal, just like losing a child. So I totally understand where you\'re coming from but try not to bat yourself over your head to much. At least we know, that they knew we loved them unconditionaly and we only did what we thought was best at the time.
I try to stay focused on Sox\'s and Summer now so I don\'t drive my mind crazy with the flash backs. But I also know that there is times thats those flash backs, again enter our minds. It\'s only normal. Time will heal.
Hows the new pooch coming along? I bet he is gettig big. I\'m thinking of you sweetie. I have so much going on in my life right now my head is spinning...lol... I should up date a new journel! One of these days I will.....
(((HUGS TO YOU)) Love, Michelle