How you are in the world
Things were good this morning at work, had some good thoughts
as well about each of us having our own standard for professionalism
and then also the humanity for when things are good enough and all things
considering how much time is needed and how much there is to be done.
I keep thinking during the workday for the purpose of managing myself...about my experience...it's
something to hold onto and it helps me deal...
I left the shop thinking about how each of us has a jarring experience
to a certain extent with moments of upset or disconnect...and we look for a way to cope...
Today I was really experiencing a lot of mental flip flops at work and I held onto my ideas
that I was thinking about while getting through - but ultimately I let go
and found that we each of us has moments that are jarring to us like I have had so many times
I just never thought of that - it happens.....
I drove home and tried to focus on the drive home - for some reason it was like
my mind was cement and half of me slept on the ride home lol.
But then after some lunch and a shower, I went out to Starbucks and then to the bank.
I have to say the different people I came into contact made me realize how lucky it is
to have friends - you can't get along with everyone but - to meet someone who you have a 'meeting of the minds' with and friendliness is so great!!
Family is important - and friends are to be cherished!
The people you meet in the world can sort of say to you 'who you are' but you can take
it in by choice - pick and choose - as 'who you are'...that's where friends come in!
I went to the Starbucks today and I just felt old - these young slick kids run
the shop and I just couldn't relate anymore - but then I went to the bank and was happy to see the teller there
and it made me perk up with a smile (he's an old guy like me!).
I came home and just felt so depressed - the Starbucks experience echoing and more so a sense
that I had become my grandmother, mired in emotion and monolith.
But I remembered a concept my therapist talked about...
"how we are in the world." My emotions were running high and I was seeking validation from the world
around me - I'm definitely emotional in the way that I am in the world - but I am choosing to look at the positives
in my life - family and friends and Blue and just gratitude. It felt like I was in a trench/bucket there for a little bit
but I decided to write a bit here just to talk about what i was thinking about.
Replies
You're doing the best in keeping your balance!
thanks Mid!
Will respond later - sending hugs in the meantime!
thanks!
Mark - I’ve been thinking a LOT about friends lately and evaluating and reevaluating (okay, maybe ruminating) about the past ..... so your thoughts in this journal tied into my own mental meanderings. Part of my ‘how we are in the world’ reflections were shaped so much by working with the public for so long. I used to be so conversationally engaging and would make acquaintances with regular customers... some became friends but mostly I was trying to practice safe boundaries due to my trust issues so only a select few became friends. But now that that’s gone, I feel at a standstill with meeting people, and have been pondering why I am seeking this out so much? Mind you we’ve all been isolated during pandemic so there is that. But why do we need that validation from people around us? To know we are liked and thought well of? That seems to put so much pressure on something that should be as simple as ‘making a new friend.’
My experiences have conditioned me in a weird way - all of my hospitalizations and sad stories of things that happened - and feeling uncertainty about so much. It’s been my biggest hurdle to jump as I trudge on through the world. Grateful for my siblings these days, that’s for sure.
I think we all have some unsureness when meeting new people...I keep in touch with people through FACEBOOK
and rarely see any of them in person - but I'm always glad after we've met and had some time in person. I really hope you can deal with that kind of anxiety - and I need to take the same advice - and reach out to more people once the pandemic is cleared.
Don't be too hard on yourself because you're exactly right that the pandemic has made all of our worlds smaller.
And so maybe it's magnified our contacts? I definitely plan to volunteer once things are lifted - that's the one thing I am sure about - I want to be with like minded people doing something productive for the community (The Mountain Restoration Trust. That's my gig) I hope you can maybe find a group that you can do something with like viewing art, or wine tasting or even volunteering.
It might give you a framework for the socializing and bring like minded folks together -with an excitement about a common goal. :)
Yes - thank goodness for Facebook keeping connections alive and well! I’ve been sooo grateful for that during the pandemic.
Very good suggestions - I am
definitely thinking about classes or groups when things become somewhat normal again. I have spent so much time in mental health related groups which is great and I appreciate but branching out into more interests is what I endeavor to accomplish. So glad you have the mountain gig - that’s awesome!!!! Have a great night Markus.
thanks Nikki! Have a good night!