How we know we’re ok

I was with my family yesterday.

The whole family was together.

We gathered at my sister's house to celebrate our Father's birthday.

It was really nice. The house is at the beach and the weather was lovely, picture perfect. We talked, ate and drank. I played catch with my sister's stepson.

Such a nice kid.

Very often I felt ill at ease about 'me' but I told myself we all might feel insecure sometimes.

I did remove myself ocassionally and wander around the place (played with the kids) It just helped me sort out my feelings but it also lead me to a kind of acceptance myself. I would then get back to socializing.  I tried not to let my insecurities ruin the day and I was successful, they didn't. I was kind of free form, I wasn't caught up in my head but I also felt like I wasn't careful with the way I was behaving. I was just reacting without thought, I felt stupid or just thoughtless. I felt like I was stepping on people's feelings too. I usually like to keep measured or at least like I have a filter.

So now it's the following morning and I am starting the day. I feel amorphous and unknowing. I've got to remember to be self responsible (own the insecurities) and give my morning structure. It's weird how we tell ourselves 'how we are is ok.' I felt so unknowing and yet giving myself some structure is reminding me to get on with the day. 

And in the face of having been around healthy people yesterday I need to not feel bad about myself for being so flawed. I need to take the positive

attitude and keep building my life day to day. Don't let the insecurities ruin such beautiful moments and the path forward. Carpe diem.

Here we go, on with the morning.