How to keep going?

I don't know how anymore. Why does it have to be so difficult? How do I live with the constant arguing over every decision that needs to be made? With a stubborn 6 year old and an angry teenager (among others, those are just the loudest at the moment) constantly fighting in my head? How do I live with the not remembering? I'm ok with not remembering everything that happened in the past, actually would prefer to keep it that way. But I would just like to remember what happened last weekend. When was the last time we ate? Or slept for more than a half hour? Why can't I just remember simple things like that? Sometimes it feels like they're just trying to make me feel crazy. Why bother going to class when I don't actually remember any of it? Why do things that no one in their right mind would allow me to if they knew the truth? Why live a lie? (ex. I'm a youth leader at church, if they knew I OD'd last week I don't think they'd let me lead their youth anymore). How do I keep living like this? Why should I?