How Odd!

I find it fascinating at how this universe works, as in the accidents, or as Jung named it 'synchronicity', that seem to happen when you need them. The Freud book is such a case. My appointment was cancelled with my therapist when I arrived at his office so I went to Barnes and Noble to 'look around' and was 'impulsed' to buy this Freud book out of duty to my studies. I'd never really studied or read his works. Then I was suddenly stunned upon reading a particular part of his "Three Essays on the Theory of Sexuality", this one on the 'Transformations of Puberty'. No, it's not what you're thinking, I'm not going to write about sex or sexual dysfunctions; this is something completely different, it may even be considered a 'side-bar'or a 'by the way' kind of insight of his. It has to do with my shyness.    "It is true that an excess of parental affection does harm by causing precocious sexual maturity ( in this case sexual is not the same as adult sex, or copulation; it's about feelings evolving in an infant or child. We all probably remember those early days of exploration about the differences of our genders, innocently.) and also because, by spoiling the child, it makes him incapable in later life of temporarily doing without love or of being content with a smaller amount of it. One of the clearest indications that a child will later become neurotic is to be seen in an insatiable demand for his parents affection. And on the other hand neurotic parents, who are inclined as a rule to display excessive affection, are precisely those who are most likely by their caresses to arouse the child's disposition to neurotic illness.*** Anxiety in children is originally nothing more than an expression of the fact that they are feeling the loss of the person they love (mom and/or dad) . It is for this reason that they are frightened of every stranger. *** The truth is merely that children who are inclined to be timid (shy) are affected by stories (bogeyman, dark, fairy tales, etc.) which would make no impression whatever upon others, and it is only children with a sexual instinct that is excessive or has developed prematurely or has become vociferous owing to too much petting who are inclined to be timid. *** On the other hand an adult who has become neurotic owing to his libido (sexual drive/energy) being unsatisfied behaves in his anxiety like a child: he begins to be freightened when he is alone, that is to say when he is away from someone of whose love he had felt secure, and he seeks to assuage this fear by the most childish measures. " So if  Frued's opinion/observation/conclusion is correct, then I wasn't lacking in love and attention, I was given too much! So that my shyness/timidity is about not getting the attention and smothering I got from my parents from others. I was imprinted on being obsessed over, given a false sense of importance as a basis for my identity, and when I don't automatically get it from others or authority figues, I automatically feel rejected and do more (perfectionistic behaviors) to get the attention and accolades I was indoctrinated/trained to expect. It makes perfect sense now. It also explains the addiction to people-pleasing, to get back the same amount of affection that I got from my mother. The truth is I was loved very much, too much, and I miss that feeling now, and have since the beginning in infancy.  Strange, comical even. All this time, my attitude corrupted by too much love. Maybe it was the allergies, being too skinny, being so 'cute'. Whatever!  Time to change again. This trek I'm on is certainly entertaining, and it's getting better all the time. Namaste' to all [which means the God in me recognizes the God in you]. Now. What's the next step?