How much can change in just 6 months?
I haven't written for a long time. I wish I could say it was because I didn't have time or energy. But there's something about seeing all my thoughts laid out in front of me that makes things so real. Sometimes that's hard to see.
I'm in a relationship. My ex-girlfriend and I are giving things another shot. Although I compared her to a cat in my last entry, she's very much alive and a part of my life. I was scared to even mention her, because if she leaves, I'd never be able to look at this site again. My entries are riddled with thoughts of her. But we've been back together for 5 months now, and things are going exceedingly well. It doesn't even feel like we split up. A lot has changed, but in a good way. I'm not unrealistic. And I fight off negative thoughts constantly. I know that with time, those will go away. Just gotta get the trust and confidence back.
It'll be three years in June that I've been at my job. I've learned that when you're passionate about something, you have to emit your passion in doses. I love this job like crazy, but the people around me are less than thrilled. Where this is a career/passion/love for me, it's a paycheck for them. Which makes my attitude towards their fuck-ups extremely obnoxious. I'm fully aware. Which they retaliate by making up lies and rumors. So I keep my mouth shut, do my job, and channel my energy into other things. Like crossword puzzles and this. Since I've started keeping to myself, things have slowed down. I guess I should be thankful for that. What I'd really like is to be appreciated for having a drive in a field that most people don't even consider. But, like with anything, if you're hearts in it you're probably going to get hurt.
Gosh, that sounds so cynical! That shouldn't be the outlook at a 21 year old has on the world. I just hope that with internalizing my doubts in my relationship, and internalizing my issues with my job/co-workers, I don't become one of those silent people that blow up someday.
I've always been honest, loud, and blunt. I'm afraid I'm going to lose those qualities and just become another cog in the machine.
I'm in a relationship. My ex-girlfriend and I are giving things another shot. Although I compared her to a cat in my last entry, she's very much alive and a part of my life. I was scared to even mention her, because if she leaves, I'd never be able to look at this site again. My entries are riddled with thoughts of her. But we've been back together for 5 months now, and things are going exceedingly well. It doesn't even feel like we split up. A lot has changed, but in a good way. I'm not unrealistic. And I fight off negative thoughts constantly. I know that with time, those will go away. Just gotta get the trust and confidence back.
It'll be three years in June that I've been at my job. I've learned that when you're passionate about something, you have to emit your passion in doses. I love this job like crazy, but the people around me are less than thrilled. Where this is a career/passion/love for me, it's a paycheck for them. Which makes my attitude towards their fuck-ups extremely obnoxious. I'm fully aware. Which they retaliate by making up lies and rumors. So I keep my mouth shut, do my job, and channel my energy into other things. Like crossword puzzles and this. Since I've started keeping to myself, things have slowed down. I guess I should be thankful for that. What I'd really like is to be appreciated for having a drive in a field that most people don't even consider. But, like with anything, if you're hearts in it you're probably going to get hurt.
Gosh, that sounds so cynical! That shouldn't be the outlook at a 21 year old has on the world. I just hope that with internalizing my doubts in my relationship, and internalizing my issues with my job/co-workers, I don't become one of those silent people that blow up someday.
I've always been honest, loud, and blunt. I'm afraid I'm going to lose those qualities and just become another cog in the machine.
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