How messed up I must be

Been turning tricks now for a few years. Guess it was by choice, but it was that or starve, so - some choice. Since the beat down where I got my brains scrambled, I am now on constant horny or angry.  Worst is when I'm horny and angry, yet the guys like it. Then there are the occasional seizures. Lucky they are not as common. Another thing, I get bored like, idk, super easy.  And having like no impulse control (as my therapists called it), I just go and look for something new or someplace new. 

So one of the things I do is hitchhike, look for new guys, new places, new fun.  Yeah, I know it can be risky but who cares.  If I die, I die. I've worked a bunch of freeway rest stops and truck stops.  Always finding guys looking to bust a nut.  A bonus is finding a young little ho to get with, helps being drug free and clean.  Guys are will to pay a bit more for that.

Recently, got with a guy, used to make drug deliveries and for the guys who got quantity, I was a little fun for a few hours, and the pay was good. The fun, getting passed around, 3, 4, sometimes 5 guys at each stop. At one of the places, the guy didn't like my looks, wanted a girl with a big ass and big boobs.  So my "friend," guy who was lining up these gigs got mad at me, slapped me around and put me on the street.  Guess I deserved it, he did help me out of a jam. I figured a day or 2 of streets then we would be cool.  Seemed no matter how much I made or what I did, he was never satisfied, threatend to take me to a homeless camp and let them take turns on me, just to teach me a lesson.

At a truck stop, I hopped a ride to get away, found a new town, been working a few truck stops and one of my faves, trailer parks.  Always a few guys who like girls like me.  So here is what is bouncing around my brain.  What girl could possibly be happy being passed around and used like this.  Most of the time, I like it. I mean, it's a rush having a bunch of guys wanting me.  Lusting like wild animals, just desiring me, wanting me, desiring me.  Then, after a few hours or so, we are done, sometimes I go sleep, other times, I just go for walks or chill and watch tv. Sometimes I'm good for a few days, usually I just go out to make some money, but that rush of a bunch of guys at once, usually hits every so often and becomes like, I have to.  Hit's me harder than the need for food, I have to do it or I will die.