How Long...
I was diagnosed with Bp nearly 19 years ago. I was experiencing symptoms most of my life. I , also, have anxiety. It's terrible. I will be changing therapist soon. I'd like to think that getting a change will bring a new perspective to my diagnosis. I will probably won't feel much better.
How long do I have to suffer? I don't get any better but keep getting worse. I don't want to commit suicide because I don't want to leave my son. However the suffering gets so bad, I seriously think about.
I have no self -esteem or confidence. I feel like one the worst people in the world even though there are worse people than me. I guilt over a lot things, real or imagined. I'm scared a lot of the time. My memory is had become awful. I have a lot of physical symptoms, too.
It's not fair to suffer this much and I feel bad for people that do. People put down pets if their suffering why not people? They do have euthanasia for people who suffering from mental illness in places in Europe. It doesn't sound like they will allow it ithe USA. That's cruel! Do the powers that be have any idea how much pain we are in? Apparently not.
Replies
The Cab Driver
This is a post Bobinmaine made in his journal, don't know if you are friends with him to have access. Thought I'd repost it as the Meaning behind the words say so much about how when one suffers, there is choice, and to make changes to stop quacking and soar like an eagle.
I too have had a long road, with many traumas and challenges since my teens with bp and being dx'd at 30 going psychotic, ending up in hospital treatment 4 times. My current state of mind has been numb/to breathing tears since March...no it's not easy, life is not easy, everyone has 'something'. This is a really good book, "Why People Don't Heal" by Caroline Myss
"I was waiting in line for a ride at the airport. When a cab pulled up, the first thing I noticed was the taxi was polished to a bright shine. Smartly dressed in a white shirt, black tie, and freshly pressed black slacks, the cab driver jumped out and rounded the car to open the back passenger door for me.
He handed me a laminated card and said, 'I'm Wasu, your driver. While I'm loading your bags in the trunk, I'd like you to read my mission statement.'
Taken aback, I read the card. It said, 'Wasu's Mission Statement: To get my customers to their destination in the quickest, safest, and cheapest way possible in a friendly environment.'
This blew me away. Especially when I noticed the inside of the cab matched the outside. Spotlessly clean!
As he slid behind the wheel, Wasu said, 'Would you like a cup of coffee? I have a thermos of regular and one of decaf.'
I said jokingly, 'No, I'd prefer a soft drink.'
Wasu smiled and said, 'No problem. I have a cooler up front with regular and Diet Coke, lassi, water, and orange juice.'
Almost stuttering, I said, 'I'll take a lassi since I’ve never had one before.'
Handing me my drink, Wasu said, 'If you'd like something to read, I have Good Housekeeping magazine, Reader’s Digest, The Bible, and a Travel + Leisure magazine.'
As we were pulling away, Wasu handed me another laminated card, 'These are the stations I get and the music they play, if you'd like to listen to the radio.'
And as if that weren't enough, Wasu told me he had the heater on and asked if the temperature was comfortable for me.
Then he advised me of the best route to my destination for that time of day. He also let me know he'd be happy to chat and tell me about some of the sights or, if I preferred, to leave me with my own thoughts.
'Tell me, Wasu,' I was amazed and asked him, 'have you always served customers like this?'
Wasu smiled into the rear view mirror. 'No, not always. In fact, it's only been in the last two years. My first five years driving, I spent most of my time complaining like all the rest of the cabbies do. Then I heard about power of choice one day.'
'Power of choice is that you can be a duck or an eagle. If you get up in the morning expecting to have a bad day, you'll rarely disappoint yourself. Stop complaining! Don't be a duck. Be an eagle. Ducks quack and complain. Eagles soar above the crowd.'
'That hit me right,' said Wasu. He continued and said, 'It is about me. I was always quacking and complaining, so I decided to change my attitude and become an eagle. I looked around at the other cabs and their drivers. The cabs were dirty, the drivers were unfriendly, and the customers were unhappy. So I decided to make some changes. I put in a few at a time. When my customers responded well, I did more.'
'I take it that has paid off for you,' I said.
'It sure has,' Wasu replied. 'My first year as an eagle, I doubled my income from the previous year. This year, I'll probably quadruple it. My customers call me for appointments on my cell phone or leave a message on it.'
Wasu"""""" made a different choice""""""" He decided to stop quacking like ducks and start soaring like eagles. I hope we all decide to soar like an eagle and not quack like a duck."
Thank you