How is it that an Amazing Night Could be so Painful?
I don't understand how such an amazing night could actually hurt more than anything else. Last night was one of the greatest nights I've had, yet a part of me was dying of pain.
So the great part about yesterday was that I went to a concert for my favourist artist, Demi Lovato, and I had a backstage tour (basically check out everything backstage before the celebs get there), and as I was leaving a total stranger comes up to me and says my friend didn't show up I have an extra soundcheck (Demi's rehearsal) ticket do you want it, for free! I thought she was messing with me. I normally don't get lucky in things like that! Of course I said YES and I got to sit in the absolutely first row a few steps away from Demi freaking Lovato. It was crazy. I had been waiting for this show since October, and I've wanted to meet Demi since she inspired me to say okay this is it, I need help, I have to stop, or at least try. I didn't get to personally meet her, I would've loved to tell her thank you, tell her that her music and her courage probably saved me from myself, but I'm glad I got to see her perform and do her magic on stage. It was incredible I still can't believe it.
On the other hand last night I felt more lonely than I have ever felt. I've spent day alone in my apartment with no communication with others, I've been around friends and felt I couldn't trust them and that made me lonely, but the one night that was supposed to be the absolutely greatest night of my life, I was ALONE. I've been dreaming of this concert since October, and I didn't have one person in my life that was willing to go to the single most important thing I've had in a really long time. I think the pain I felt was worse than any I've ever felt before. I don't know why, but it just felt like that was my proof that no one cares; that it wasn't in my head that people around me didn't care, it was real.
I mean I get my friends aren't as huge fans as I am, and I'm not saying that they should've paid to see her backstage or go wild, but they really didn't have it in them to get a ticket for the show to the night that practically everyone I know knows how important it was for me. It hurt so much. And it kills me because I kept imagining how amazing it would be. Even if I went alone, I thought it doesn't matter I don't care, I get to see Demi whatever, I didn't think that I would, but when I was there and I saw how people were there with their friends and people they cared about I felt SO bad I don't how to deal with it.
I don't understand how such an amazing night could actually hurt this much.
So the great part about yesterday was that I went to a concert for my favourist artist, Demi Lovato, and I had a backstage tour (basically check out everything backstage before the celebs get there), and as I was leaving a total stranger comes up to me and says my friend didn't show up I have an extra soundcheck (Demi's rehearsal) ticket do you want it, for free! I thought she was messing with me. I normally don't get lucky in things like that! Of course I said YES and I got to sit in the absolutely first row a few steps away from Demi freaking Lovato. It was crazy. I had been waiting for this show since October, and I've wanted to meet Demi since she inspired me to say okay this is it, I need help, I have to stop, or at least try. I didn't get to personally meet her, I would've loved to tell her thank you, tell her that her music and her courage probably saved me from myself, but I'm glad I got to see her perform and do her magic on stage. It was incredible I still can't believe it.
On the other hand last night I felt more lonely than I have ever felt. I've spent day alone in my apartment with no communication with others, I've been around friends and felt I couldn't trust them and that made me lonely, but the one night that was supposed to be the absolutely greatest night of my life, I was ALONE. I've been dreaming of this concert since October, and I didn't have one person in my life that was willing to go to the single most important thing I've had in a really long time. I think the pain I felt was worse than any I've ever felt before. I don't know why, but it just felt like that was my proof that no one cares; that it wasn't in my head that people around me didn't care, it was real.
I mean I get my friends aren't as huge fans as I am, and I'm not saying that they should've paid to see her backstage or go wild, but they really didn't have it in them to get a ticket for the show to the night that practically everyone I know knows how important it was for me. It hurt so much. And it kills me because I kept imagining how amazing it would be. Even if I went alone, I thought it doesn't matter I don't care, I get to see Demi whatever, I didn't think that I would, but when I was there and I saw how people were there with their friends and people they cared about I felt SO bad I don't how to deal with it.
I don't understand how such an amazing night could actually hurt this much.
Replies
You had an amazing experience...be thankful for that and the blessing of the back stage tour and front row seat.
I know how hard it is to be alone. I am almost 36 and still alone. I go to events and on adventures by myself all the time. Sometimes it doesn\'t bother me and other times it empties me to the core. Here\'s what I\'ve learned: you have to step up and speak up. Hiding away, keeping to oneself, moping around, feeling sorry for yourself, and not speaking your mind are not going to get you anywhere. Believe me, I\'m guilty of all of those and then some. A lot has to do with my personality. However, your friends and family aren\'t mind readers. If something is important to you that you would like them to share with you, speak up and ask. Unfortunately, today\'s generation is very much into themselves. It\'s all me, me, me. People are blind and rarely intuitive anymore. Invite your friends to go places with you, go out for coffee, or meet for dinner. Trust me, I\'ve been waiting a very long time for friends to ask me and they don\'t. It\'s not that they don\'t care, it\'s that they\'re too busy. Also, if you communicate that you need support or a listening ear, chances are, they will stop to give you care and friendship. If they don\'t step up after you\'ve done all that, then they aren\'t worth your time and you need to move on to new and more supportive friends.
Being alone and feeling lonely can be the most horrid experience imaginable.....but it can also strengthen your sense of self and give you the courage to fight. Use it to your advantage...don\'t let it win.
Hugs
I am really thankful and happy that I got to do all that and even see her live, I mean it was really incredible. I never thought I\'d get to see her to be honest, I mean her courage to speak up and tell her story was part of the reason I joined the site to get help... So it was really amazing. It\'s just that the moment I realized what I did it hurt... I guess you\'re right about the whole communicating better with my friends and all that. I mean I did ask my friends if anyone wanted to go and most of them said \"I don\'t feel like it\" and I understand that some of them might not be able to spend their money on the ticket, but those who I know can didn\'t want to go either, and they were actually people I thought were close friends... and they knew I was REALLY excited for the show... and they still said no. I guess it is all about me, me, me these days.
And I do try to make this whole being alone as something that would make me stronger, and in a way it does because I\'ve learned to do everything alone, but sometimes, it just hurts and I don\'t always know how to deal with it...