how i really feel about B
ok. i've had 2 "big" committed relationships in the past. one, i was married to him for 4 years. the other engaged to and living with for 8 years.
what i've learned from these relationships is the fact that i commit too soon, that is, promise my forever before i really get to know these guys. after the 8 yr relationship, i stayed single for 2 years, and then was ready to start dating again, and hopefully find mr. right.
i re-newed a friendship with an ex-boyfriend, B. (we had broken up 17 yrs ago, in high school.) i dated a few guys, and saw these were going no where. i don't know if it was out of desperation, or just because i knew he probably still loved me, but about 6 months ago i told B that i had feelings for him. when i said that, all i really wanted was to hang out, take it slow, and possibly date him, and after a few months, see where we were at, to actually see if he could be "the one." well, i've recently learned another hard lesson about myself.. i tend to imitate those around me, and try to match the pace of the guy i'm dating, that sort of thing. so, when B was so excited to learn of my feelings, and my finding out that he had never stopped loving me (should this have been a red flag??), and saying all this stuff about marriage and forever and love, well, i got caught up in the excitement. and i truly believed what i told him, what i felt. just a few days into our relationship, i'm telling him i love him, and he's reciprocating. now, 6 months later, after spending lots of time with him, having deep discussions about relationships and love (we have been in the same boat with failed commitments), and seeing how he is, who he is... i don't see a future with him. i don't want to be with him anymore. i know i said my "i love you's" way too soon.
i left him twice in high school, which drastically affected him. i fear he's gonna fall into a deep depression when i dump him this time. and what really sucks is that everyone else in my life loves the fact that he and i are dating. my parents (whom B stayed friends with over all these years) my sister, my 15 yr old daughter... not only am i gonna let B down, but everyone else as well.
but, i don't love him. but how do i not do this again with another guy?? this is sort of what i did with the 8-yr guy....
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so, i started writing this passage, thinking i'd post it as a discussion in the healthy relationships thread.. but i'll just keep it right here.. make something else for the thread......
what i've learned from these relationships is the fact that i commit too soon, that is, promise my forever before i really get to know these guys. after the 8 yr relationship, i stayed single for 2 years, and then was ready to start dating again, and hopefully find mr. right.
i re-newed a friendship with an ex-boyfriend, B. (we had broken up 17 yrs ago, in high school.) i dated a few guys, and saw these were going no where. i don't know if it was out of desperation, or just because i knew he probably still loved me, but about 6 months ago i told B that i had feelings for him. when i said that, all i really wanted was to hang out, take it slow, and possibly date him, and after a few months, see where we were at, to actually see if he could be "the one." well, i've recently learned another hard lesson about myself.. i tend to imitate those around me, and try to match the pace of the guy i'm dating, that sort of thing. so, when B was so excited to learn of my feelings, and my finding out that he had never stopped loving me (should this have been a red flag??), and saying all this stuff about marriage and forever and love, well, i got caught up in the excitement. and i truly believed what i told him, what i felt. just a few days into our relationship, i'm telling him i love him, and he's reciprocating. now, 6 months later, after spending lots of time with him, having deep discussions about relationships and love (we have been in the same boat with failed commitments), and seeing how he is, who he is... i don't see a future with him. i don't want to be with him anymore. i know i said my "i love you's" way too soon.
i left him twice in high school, which drastically affected him. i fear he's gonna fall into a deep depression when i dump him this time. and what really sucks is that everyone else in my life loves the fact that he and i are dating. my parents (whom B stayed friends with over all these years) my sister, my 15 yr old daughter... not only am i gonna let B down, but everyone else as well.
but, i don't love him. but how do i not do this again with another guy?? this is sort of what i did with the 8-yr guy....
~~~~
so, i started writing this passage, thinking i'd post it as a discussion in the healthy relationships thread.. but i'll just keep it right here.. make something else for the thread......
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