How I deal with Couples
Couples. They're everywhere. We see them out walking their dog. We see them in shopping malls, in churches, in stores. Sometimes is overwhelming and we find ourselves envious. My first day back at work(nearly 2 months ago), and I thought I would die of envy. You see, I'm in sales and like most sales people, we seek out the couples. Most singles won't buy much or won't buy withouth their spouse. So no couple, no sales. I found that I needed to get used to couples right away or find myself another job(not easy in this climate at my age). I tried pretending, but couples pretty much pick up on a down mood. They can feel it(as every salesperson knows) and they won't buy. So, I needed to get over it and get over it fast.
This is how I did it:
I realized that we're all on a road. Some are at the beginning, some in the middle, some at the end. For the most part, none of us know where we are on the road. Once we lose a spouse, our earthly journey with them is over. I see this as moving to a heavenly road. So, in my mind there are but two roads: one on earth and the other in Heaven. I know my spouse is waiting for me in Heaven. I know that when I get there the relationship changes for the better.
When I look at couples now I feel that Ihave something in common with them. They're laughing and smiling and enjoying the part of the road that I once enjoyed. I don't envy them their happiness. In fact, I want to tell them to enjoy every second of it. And looking at them brings back memories of the life I had with my DH.
This is how I did it:
I realized that we're all on a road. Some are at the beginning, some in the middle, some at the end. For the most part, none of us know where we are on the road. Once we lose a spouse, our earthly journey with them is over. I see this as moving to a heavenly road. So, in my mind there are but two roads: one on earth and the other in Heaven. I know my spouse is waiting for me in Heaven. I know that when I get there the relationship changes for the better.
When I look at couples now I feel that Ihave something in common with them. They're laughing and smiling and enjoying the part of the road that I once enjoyed. I don't envy them their happiness. In fact, I want to tell them to enjoy every second of it. And looking at them brings back memories of the life I had with my DH.
Replies
I know how that is -- seeing couples and wondering, \"Why\" they are still together and I am alone. Not wanting to feel that way, but, been there and done that. I do better with it now, than the first year.
In your job, you really did have to adjust in a hurry!! i agree with you about the road and none of us knowing just where we are on that road. Our earthly journey is over with our departed, and, yes, the relationship will be different when we see them again.
Your attitude is great -- about couples. Congrats on arriving at a positive way to look at other couples. Like you, I do not envy their happiness, just know I was once there. Hugs Joely
Thank you and you are so right. Two roads one on earth and one in heaven. I would like to think that Smokey will great me when I die. It is very comforting. You must be strong to be able to see couples and not be down anymore. I am jealous of the couples. I used to be a couple and it makes me morose. You must be strong.
I too have that same envy....not as frequently though...............reading a book called Reflections of a Grieving \'Spouse......and the author mentions how we live \"without\".......but that someday \"without\" will be replaced by \"together\" again....That is also a song title.Together Again.........that was one of our favorites after we got back together again after 35 years........and the good part is that I don\'t believe it will be 35 more years before we\'re \"together again\".........lol
Lorita
I\'m not really jealous of the couples, either. Sometimes I feel a pang, especially when two very old people totter along holding hands and I think WE should have been able to do that!, but I don\'t begrudge them their togetherness and in fact agree that they should cherish every moment.
I have trouble when I see fundraisers \"Abolish Cancer in our Lifetime\" - sometimes I think TOO LATE! - but then I realize I wouldn\'t want a single additional person to have to go through what he & I went through.
Good job, pulling yourself together when you had to do so.
Hugs, Gail
l always imagine Frank waiting for me at the end of a long winding country lane,in fact l use to have dreams about this at the beginning,l would be walking down this lane and see a figure,when l got nearer it was always Frank,he use to say,were have you been,l use to get so upset when l woke up.l use to get upset seeing couples,but now,l always think l have been there,enjoy it,because you never know when it may end.
Alice
Hi,
I know I should be passed it and not be jealous but I would be lying. All I can see that should be me and Al. Why God loved them more and keeps them together. I just dont understand why. Sunday it will be 5 months since I lost Al to cancer. I still have problem with looking at the cancer symbol on every thing from food product to even my scrapbook supplies have that pink ribbon. Ok I guess I still need work on that
Malia
There should not be shame within denigration and loss...yet...it\'s the societal expectations that require us to be with someone...to be whole.
You are whole, regardless of these expectations. Your pathway is the pathway God gave your life.
Live it...without the filter of others expectations.
Abandon your own expectations, also, so that you may more fully grasp God\'s plan for you. Would you really want to follow your own path, anyway??