How do you cope with people who have unreal expectaions at work?
Since returning to work, it has been very difficult to wrap my brain around difficult tasks. I am a special education teacher and have so much paperwork. It is very hard to focus for long periods of time. I have so many demands placed on me it's unreal. Sometimes, I have left work in tears because my nervous system is completely shot. People are not necessarily aware about how insensitive they are. They say, "so when do you think you'll be back to normal?" I don't really socialize anymore because nobody gets what I'm going through and they may be well meaning but it comes off as cold. I don't think anyone I work with are bad people, they haven't been through the school of life yet. How did you deal with getting back to work?
Replies
I will have to say it was difficult for me to return to work, a month after my son\'s accident. I was on meds, don\'t know how I would have been able to function without them. I thought I was doing ok, the best I could. But about one year later the company I worked for was having layoffs, and I was almost let go. I was friends with the HR Manager, and she told me that \"they\" felt I was too sad and not pulling my weight. Really, too sad? I wasn\'t sitting there crying all day. They didn\'t know that as I would drive home each day I would think how easy it would be to drive off the road into a tree. The only reason I wasn\'t let go was because my friend told them how worried she was about me and what I would do if they let me go. So basically I kept my job because the men, who were too wussy to be the ones to let me go, were afraid I would commit suicide. It does suck. Work can be good because it is a distraction. But it also is difficult because you have to go and deal with people. I was told to \"leave it at the door\"/ Of course I was told this by people who had no clue. Big hugs and much love to you. Sue xo
I was only working part time and my boss was very accommodating - she had a son a year younger than Billy. She would let me do whatever I felt capable of doing on a given day. In fact one day she told me \"I know this is so very unimportant to you right now.\" I could have hugged her. If you are going to a therapist see if she will meet with your co workers to let them know what you are going through. If you need meds to make it through the day - by all means go to your dr and get some - I swear it was the only way I made it through the first few years. I am now off them all ... but do what you need/have to do to make it through the day. It is unbelievable how very insensitive some of the best meaning people can be. I learned rather quickly how to walk away before I went off on them. It is simply ignorance - but then again you wouldn\'t wish what you are going through on anyone. May you have a gentle day.Hugs, Ann
After my son Jesse was murdered in the summer of 2000, I owned a cleaning business and went to clean a rental condo here at the beach, well, I could not even remember what to do next from room to room, I was that distraught. I recommend meds. That is what helped me. Good luck to you. XOX, Debbie
I cannot imagine holding down a job while dealing with loss. I cannot remember anything. Words escape me and I use different words not even related. I just do not focus on one thing. It is scary and I can only imagine how scary it is when your livelihood depends on it. You are certainly not alone with this new brain thing. Lauri
I went back to work within a week or two...luckily it was summer and it was just part time...but it is a blur to this day. Then when fall came and I began teaching...I just prayed that I made sense when I taught...because it was a blur too. People have NO idea how this kind of loss makes you foggy...and foggy for quite a while. You get to be sad..and it is just a shame that others can\'t fathom the depth of pain. I found being openly honest about where I am in a matter of fact way helped them to get a peak into OUR world. Somehow you make it through...love and gentle hugs...Karen
Thank you all so much for your comments and experiences. It is so hard returning to work and being productive. Also people are very difficult. They totally don\'t get it. They are utterly clueless unfortunately. Nobody can understand the loss of a child. I feel isolated by this in a way because nobody can understand it unless you\'ve been through it. Although, some people have more empathy and compassion than others. Hugs to you all and thank you for the support
Chris
Hang in there Chris.....all we can do is our best & sometimes our best changes, especially after the loss of a child. A compassionate employer & fellow employees will recognize that. Hugs of understanding......Vicki
Thanks Vicki, It is hard. I work with a lot of young folks who really haven\'t had that many life experiences and don\'t appear to have a lot of compassion. I\'m just trying to stay positive and avoid people who have negative responses and gravitate towards positive people. Also, just taking one day at a time,
Hugs to you,
Chris