How do I go on?
Ric
I feel so down, like theres no point carrying on; I dread waking, because when I wake I just wish so much I wasnt here. Its truly awful without you. Last night I dreamt that your cremated remains were magically put back together, and you came alive......if only. When Thom wakes, thats when I have to switch myself on to cope through the day, to try and create some normality for him. He was really quiet yesterday, I could tell he was deep in thought thinking of you, I can so expertly read the signs now. He told me he was thinking of you and missing you. He saw your family yesterday, your brother with his son, it probably really hurt. Today, he told me he wished that you could fly the helicopter that Father Christmas sent him, the two of you together would have loved it. I am so sorry for Thom that hes lost you, he misses you so much. We found a white feather on the ground on the way to the park, I told Thom that you had sent it, and I believe you did. Since youve been gone, I look at the clouds so differently now; Im drawn to them, like you are watching us all the time. I just wish you could be here, I feel so alone.
Love you xxxxxx
Nic
I feel so down, like theres no point carrying on; I dread waking, because when I wake I just wish so much I wasnt here. Its truly awful without you. Last night I dreamt that your cremated remains were magically put back together, and you came alive......if only. When Thom wakes, thats when I have to switch myself on to cope through the day, to try and create some normality for him. He was really quiet yesterday, I could tell he was deep in thought thinking of you, I can so expertly read the signs now. He told me he was thinking of you and missing you. He saw your family yesterday, your brother with his son, it probably really hurt. Today, he told me he wished that you could fly the helicopter that Father Christmas sent him, the two of you together would have loved it. I am so sorry for Thom that hes lost you, he misses you so much. We found a white feather on the ground on the way to the park, I told Thom that you had sent it, and I believe you did. Since youve been gone, I look at the clouds so differently now; Im drawn to them, like you are watching us all the time. I just wish you could be here, I feel so alone.
Love you xxxxxx
Nic
Replies
Dear Nicola,
My heart and prayers are with you dear. I was doing ok on Christmas, but now I went into the soup of sadness again. It is so lonely here, it is like the quietness is eating away at my soul. I think of the both of you each day. We will make it through this awful journey, it will take us time. Please give Thom a big, big hug for me and he can give you a big, big hug from me to you. I posted a poem on DS \"Now That I Am One\" today.
Know that you and Thom are always in my thoughts and prayers.
Love,
recentwidow xxxxx
Nicola, my thoughts and prayers are with you and Thom. In time, you and Thom will find meaning to your lives even if it\'s without the physical presence of your beloved Ric. This is a very difficult journey, but we will make it to the other side. Sending you love and hugs! Connie