How did you handle the one year anniversary of the loss of your spouse/partner?

How did you handle the one year anniversary death of your partner or spouse?  I am just curious to know how everyone else handled it.  Smokey past away on Sunday, November 15, 2009.  The one year anniversary is coming up in 13 days.  I can't believe I survived this long already.  It totally amazes me.  I thought I would die along with Smokey.  I was planning to die along with Smokey.  My plans fell thru and here I am today alive and well.  I guess God has other plans for me.  God is not finished with me yet.  Smokey and I would always talk about our deaths.  Smokey figured he would die first.  I said why don't we die together as we do everything together anyways.  Smokey thought that was a good idea but he said that it is not going to happen that way and that he would die first.  Smokey was right.  I was wrong.  I believe till the day that I die that Smokey knew something was not right with his health.  He did not want to tell me a thing about it as I would make him go see a doctor.  Smokey would be right on that score.  I would have made him see a doctor about his health.  Smokey was so concerned about my health but not about his own health.  Men!  Are they all so stubborn like my Smokey?  I am beginning to think that they are all so stubborn.  Smokey was the love of my life and my soul mate.  He is greatly missed and holds a special place in my heart.  I loved him with every fiber of my being, madly, passionately and deeply.  When Smokey died, a piece of my heart died with him.  God has healed my heart and made me open to a new love.  mokey was 7 years older than me and loved to brag that he was with a younger woman.  It made him happy.  I am dating Dave who is 7 years younger than myself.  I can brag about being a cougar.  It makes Dave chuckle.  We are funny or peculiar about not sharing our feelings so readily.  We like each other a lot and care for one another.  We are just reluctant to say "love."  My reasoning is simple as I am still dealing with the loss of Smokey and have to accept it now that the one year anniversary is almost here.  The estate has not been settled yet either and should be shortly.  I am reluctant to express my feelings.  Dave had about 8 women leave him.  The one major woman was Catherine and they were together for 12 years.  It hurt him majorly so he is reluctant to express his feelings.  I am sure we will eventually express our feelings to one another.  You can't keep them bottled up inside forever.  I don't know if Dave realizes this but I know how he feels about me.  Sometimes when he has had one or two beers too many on the weekend, his feelings come out.  I don't take them seriously but I have an idea what we feel about one another.  The feeling is mutual but we will remain tight lipped for now.  I dont' need advice about this because I am taking our relationship one day at a time.  It is easier for both of us at the moment.  It makes us feel relaxed just taking it a day at a time.  I just thought I would catch everyone up with the one year anniversary of Smokey's death and the relationship with Dave & me.  Other than my job search, my life is good and I am happy.  I am in God's hands.  He directs my path.  God has given me so much peace inside and strength to continue one day at a time. 
GOOD NEWS:  my daugher Lisa is engaged to Grant Gormley, the father of her son Tyson Phillip Gormley.  They would like to get married in 2 years when they can afford a wedding. 
GOOD NEWS:  my friend Carol Simonson's son Brock  & daugher-in-law Louise are expecting their first child.  Louise has endemetriosis so it is hard for her to get pregnant and stay pregnant but not impossible.  I hope Louise carries to term.
Talk to you soon and by for now from Diane Baillie