How did I get to this point

I've over shopped today for things I dont need in order to fill a void. I'm in a strange place. I'm not completely miserable but not happy at all. My parents are not well and I'm worried, My husband hates me, I am suspicious of my mil and the moment she messages me I think "what does this fraud want", I tried to meet male suitors only to find out that it is even more uncomfortable than before and at the end of it they still want something, like food...this one clown keeps asking me for things, its beyond annoying and another one...well, he is super reserved about anything but it seems like he just wants chat company. Per usual, I feel like I have had my circle back to Jesus moments. I try to go off on my own to make things work and nope, it blows up in my face. I always feel like I am saying "I quit!" But I dont, i give it a few months and i get distracted. Fuck it.