How Cruel

My father, the evil one, is back.  This is what he said, "No wonder your husband left, look at the type of person you are,"  This because I wouldn't give him any more money.  I gave him 25,000 to date.  I'm now broke, having taken it out of my retirement account.  He tell me that money meant nothing to him.  He tells me that I'm the reason his foot got a bunion that needed surgery.  He tells me I'm a horrible person.  And I come back for more.  He's 84, and hasn't said a kind word to me in I don't know when.  At the rate things are going, I'll be dead before the end of the year.  He's intentionally shouting to raise my blood pressure.  He intentionally tells lies about me.  He tells me to get rid of my grandkids that they'er not going to love me, that my step-daughter will walk away from me.  That no one's going to love me.  That I'm worthless basically.
 
I have high self esteem, so I'm not buying it.  What I am learning is that he's jealous of everyone around him.  Constantly he talks about this and  that relative and how badly they're doing.  I understood his jealousy of them, but me?  That's a shocker.  What parent would be jealous of their own child?  What parent would want to destroy their own child?  And yet here it is, staring me in the face.  And it goes way back.
At 14 I was excited about graduating.  My father never came to any of my school functions, but he'd promised to come to that one.  My grandmother wanted to come, but as there were only two tickets, she gave her's to him.  And then on graduation day he didn't come and I walked across the stage with only my mother there to cheer me on.  I was the only child who had only one relative there.  It was a sad moment, but made worse because when he came home no apology was offered.  Instead, he told me I couldn't go out with my friends for graduation.  You're staying home he said, no explanations given. 
So that was then--a hatred so intense, so spiteful, and yet I missed it.  My father hated my husband, threatening to kill him once.  I bravely stood in front of the gun and told him you'll have to go through me.  Little did I know the danger I was in.  But he still pulled the trigger, only it wasn't at that moment in time.  He waited until after my husband died, then tortured me with words, screaming constantly, calling my relatives to tell them how horrible I am.  He even called my boss to tell her that I wasn't a nice person.  As a child, I watched him put a gun to my mother's head.  I watched him beat her till he ran out of energy, then I watched him destroy her with words till the stress of nearly fifty years of marriage manifested itself in heart disease and she died.  His intent is that of satan--to kill and destroy.  He is an evil man.
So, this is me trying to live.  I'll either be with God next year at this time or I'll still be standing, because once you know your enemy, you know how to survive. 
My father is 84 years old.  According to the law I'm in danger.  He can hit me and do what ever he wants and because of his age, the law will see him as the victim.  Don't beleive it?  Read Elder abuse or take my father please.  In the book the author was literally strangled by her father and picked up a stick and hit him to fend him off.  And the cops came to arrest her because elders are protected.
Think I can leave?  Ask the woman who tried that.  The cops found her 88 year old father living in squalor--no food, no medication.  They arrested her.  She's in jail now.
 
Think it can't happen to me?  Think again.  My father calls up and tells me how he doesn't have food so he won't eat and he doesn't have medication so he'll go without.  Meanwhile he makes more than 4000 a month and the dog is eating Porter house steak and getting dog toys that cost upward of 20 dollars each.  Got a brand new garage door and has his lawn professionally done too.
He's building his case too.  Xmas I invited him over, even telling him I'll pick him up and take him back.  Now he's telling people a different story, that I didn't want to pick him up,  that I didn't call on Xmas, that I didn't buy him a present.  None of this is true.  I begged him to come over for Xmas.  But he didn't want to come because my step-daughter and her family were coming and he doesn't like them.  So he stayed home and I ended up taking the few pennies I had and cooking his Xmas dinner two days early.  The cost:  more than fifty dollars.  And this is the thanks I get. 
 
So, I'm trapped.  He's destroying me with a smile on his face.  I'm down, but not out.  You see, I'm a techie that knows and understand the value of technology.  At the recommendation of the author I mentioned earlier, I'm recording our conversations and sending them to my cousin.  I'm also going to keep a record of our conversations and how I feel.  I'm posting this first one here, but the rest will be in a file.  I'm letting everyone know what I'm going through and what he's doing  to me.
If I'm going down it wont be without a fight.