House Cleaning
After enforcing a complete strike, the kids finally got it and we made it through about half of the spring cleaning. In the end, I found this a fitting analogy to life right now and how I'm feeling. It was a lot of work, but then there is this moment when you can just take a breather and enjoy how clean it is!!
I'm feeling that I've done so much work and recovery for almost 2 years and that I'm finally breathing and getting that bit of enjoyment. Just like the house, you know there is still work to be done and daily maintenance, but after clearing out the toxic people, decompressing, learning and growing, I can now enjoying the effects of the clean!!
I had a very nice girl's night out for my birthday. There was no drama, just about 20 women having dinner and drinks and lots of laughter. I haven't done something like that in years!!!
My traveling man was very reasonable with his help, he slipped a $20 bill in both my cousin's and my birthday card to help pay for the night out. He did meet us both later for just drinks. We talked and laughed and he made sure we both made it home safe.
I had a weird, but not bad, Saturday with an old friend for our first date. I think because he is such an old friend, it felt different being on a date with him!! I think we will just keep it friends and I told him this at the end of the evening. He said we will remain friends no matter what, he respects my dedication, courage and commitment with my life and my kids....and finds that too rare these days.
I had dinner with the traveling man tonight, as well. I like him and there is still no sense of anything other than companionship and fun, and there has been no pressure to sexualize anything or to reach for more. He did say that his job will require him to be here more this summer...he will be here two weeks and traveling two weeks. We will see how it goes. I am not sure I am ready for any romance or anything sexual yet, so I don't know.
It has been busy and I felt like such a social butterfuly, so different than usual!! I know it was just birthday/end of finals related, and it was so fun to spend time with the girls and celebrate my 4.0!! I was so excited, I got the A in Arabic even with missed days from class!!! Yippee!!!!
Now this week, back to reality and doing everything that needs to happen before summer classes start. Still all the work and maintenance. I know there is still a ways to go. I am still really nervous about anything moving toward more. I am uncertain of a sexual relationship, no matter what my hormones might be saying. I want to be very sure I am ready for that step and completely sure within myself first. Right now, I think I am enjoying my new sense of self way too much to risk messing it up somehow!!
I'm feeling that I've done so much work and recovery for almost 2 years and that I'm finally breathing and getting that bit of enjoyment. Just like the house, you know there is still work to be done and daily maintenance, but after clearing out the toxic people, decompressing, learning and growing, I can now enjoying the effects of the clean!!
I had a very nice girl's night out for my birthday. There was no drama, just about 20 women having dinner and drinks and lots of laughter. I haven't done something like that in years!!!
My traveling man was very reasonable with his help, he slipped a $20 bill in both my cousin's and my birthday card to help pay for the night out. He did meet us both later for just drinks. We talked and laughed and he made sure we both made it home safe.
I had a weird, but not bad, Saturday with an old friend for our first date. I think because he is such an old friend, it felt different being on a date with him!! I think we will just keep it friends and I told him this at the end of the evening. He said we will remain friends no matter what, he respects my dedication, courage and commitment with my life and my kids....and finds that too rare these days.
I had dinner with the traveling man tonight, as well. I like him and there is still no sense of anything other than companionship and fun, and there has been no pressure to sexualize anything or to reach for more. He did say that his job will require him to be here more this summer...he will be here two weeks and traveling two weeks. We will see how it goes. I am not sure I am ready for any romance or anything sexual yet, so I don't know.
It has been busy and I felt like such a social butterfuly, so different than usual!! I know it was just birthday/end of finals related, and it was so fun to spend time with the girls and celebrate my 4.0!! I was so excited, I got the A in Arabic even with missed days from class!!! Yippee!!!!
Now this week, back to reality and doing everything that needs to happen before summer classes start. Still all the work and maintenance. I know there is still a ways to go. I am still really nervous about anything moving toward more. I am uncertain of a sexual relationship, no matter what my hormones might be saying. I want to be very sure I am ready for that step and completely sure within myself first. Right now, I think I am enjoying my new sense of self way too much to risk messing it up somehow!!
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