hot air balloon

A few weekends ago, a hot air balloon hovered over our fields. It was the second one I’ve seen since being here. It would be fun to ride in one someday. Things are going well. I see how in the self supporting of my own ventures forward, I’ve chosen iconic objectified stylings to affirm my assertions in the case of attack or disapproval or just plain being exact enough with my expression and then to receive understanding. To be bullet proof I suppose or at least validated. Safe to a degree. It has me now knowing that I need to keep at my own activities, can’t look for approval to find my place in the world.. I suppose though there is the thought to live my values. Christianity here at the monastery keeps you on a slippery slope of almost being accepted or then fumbling at seeking it out. I’ve got to be strong enough to go my own way and use my sense of judgment and understanding to keep motivated. I left a message for my doc about it, I wish you could listen to the message. I’m excited about my life. I may not have the jubilant energy I once had. But I have ambition to seek new adventures and things. I see how some deal with their interests, here at the monastery, with Christianity and then buttress their commitment or vulnerability in life by being so adamant with it. It’s a self propelling wheel of affirmation. Rather than deal with plurality- as in - use the self affirmation of ‘it’s my way or the highway’ and so a truncated version of life experience. That’s harsh. Maybe it’s that way for some but for others it’s a filter for dealing with oneself and plurality and so perhaps Christianity adds strength to those who need it. I’ve needed it. Living ‘it’ here has really helped me find myself and my life. A crystallization of values underlying my pursuits and an understanding where I need to be strong and informing me for what I am asking for. What guides my actions as well. I am grateful that my walk with religion has taught me so much.