hoplessness

I feel slow, sad and still.  I am not moving foward i am waisting time.  i am hanging on to these feelings which make no sense.  i am sad that its not working but then i know its the right thing. i dont want to think "what if i wont ..." but thats whats happening.  i dont want to date, i dont want to meet but i want a family and a husband. the one i have no doesnt want me.  im frustrated and being a baby....