Hope takes energy
Been running on pure faith for the past nine months. Feel like my entire life is in this bed. Some days I have the energy to get out but have no idea what to do with myself, everything takes so much effort and I get tired so easily. Fun isn't fun anymore.
Hit a wall this week. End Feb was a major milestone for me. I have been praying for a miracle for many months, I thought for sure it was on its way. But the month ended and well, nothing has changed in my world. Except I'm a bit more broke, a bit more exhausted and working a lot harder to keep my head above water.
The book was exciting. I've started a blog and now have 10 entries so I can start sharing it now. Tweeting on twitter too, all of 3 followers. Grateful for my 3 ds friends who reached out for a copy of my book, I hope it will be a blessing whenever they are able to read it. Reading for me is still difficult, it takes me weeks to complete a book as I tend to lose focus and switch between multiple things.
So far 2 people have bought my book. That is a bit of a letdown, I feel it is an inspired work I was sure that God would give it a bit of a divine boost. Well, I have done my human part to promote it, even paying for advertising on facebook. I leave the rest in His hands.
How do people survive for 30 years with CFS? Even hope takes too much energy. I have been doing a lot ot positive mind work. I affirm, I visualize, I speak positively to myself. I don't meditate too often, that knocks me out for hours, it uses a LOT of energy.
I am very hopeful. I believe I know what my purpose in life is. I know my gifts and I am using them in a positive way.
A few weeks ago I made arrangements to start a program in a local inner-city high school, working with the girls. My goal is to encourage them to hold high expectations for themselves, to let them know they are powerful, they are beautiful, they deserve love and caring and respect.. messages your momma should have told you... I am terrified. That was three weeks ago and I have not felt well enough to go back since. How am I going to do this?
A few months ago I met a young couple who were busy living their calling. They are doing monthly seminars, encouraging people to live their best life. Vision, Destiny, Passion... The presentations were rough around the edges, so I have been offering my encouragement and advice (I have some experience with public speaking). They are open to having me speak in one of their events. I know this is what I am meant to do but I am so hesitant to commit because I don't know that I will be well enough to deliver.
Hence the wall. I ran face first into the granite cliff called CFS. I must move forward yet I don't know how. My body is so frail, I really don't feel capable of marching forward with the resolve and persistence that it takes... my son (14 going on 140) pointed out that I'd lost faith in myself. He's right. I believe so much in the spirit that is Max, but I have no idea what I'm capable of anymore and because of that I am reluctant to sell myself because I have failed to deliver too many times... that is why it was so important for the book to do well. I know I can write. I know I can encourage others. At this point those are the only two things I am sure of.
Declaring March my miracle month. Going to take all the energy I have and focus it on this one goal. God is going to work in my life and this mountain is going to shift. A door is going to open and somehow, by grace I will have the strength to walk through.
"I declare I will experience God's faithfulness. I put my trust in Him knowing he will not fail me".
And so it is...
ps: my blog is ProsperityIsMind@blogspot.com I welcome guest posts from all who believe in the power of the mind to change your life.
Hit a wall this week. End Feb was a major milestone for me. I have been praying for a miracle for many months, I thought for sure it was on its way. But the month ended and well, nothing has changed in my world. Except I'm a bit more broke, a bit more exhausted and working a lot harder to keep my head above water.
The book was exciting. I've started a blog and now have 10 entries so I can start sharing it now. Tweeting on twitter too, all of 3 followers. Grateful for my 3 ds friends who reached out for a copy of my book, I hope it will be a blessing whenever they are able to read it. Reading for me is still difficult, it takes me weeks to complete a book as I tend to lose focus and switch between multiple things.
So far 2 people have bought my book. That is a bit of a letdown, I feel it is an inspired work I was sure that God would give it a bit of a divine boost. Well, I have done my human part to promote it, even paying for advertising on facebook. I leave the rest in His hands.
How do people survive for 30 years with CFS? Even hope takes too much energy. I have been doing a lot ot positive mind work. I affirm, I visualize, I speak positively to myself. I don't meditate too often, that knocks me out for hours, it uses a LOT of energy.
I am very hopeful. I believe I know what my purpose in life is. I know my gifts and I am using them in a positive way.
A few weeks ago I made arrangements to start a program in a local inner-city high school, working with the girls. My goal is to encourage them to hold high expectations for themselves, to let them know they are powerful, they are beautiful, they deserve love and caring and respect.. messages your momma should have told you... I am terrified. That was three weeks ago and I have not felt well enough to go back since. How am I going to do this?
A few months ago I met a young couple who were busy living their calling. They are doing monthly seminars, encouraging people to live their best life. Vision, Destiny, Passion... The presentations were rough around the edges, so I have been offering my encouragement and advice (I have some experience with public speaking). They are open to having me speak in one of their events. I know this is what I am meant to do but I am so hesitant to commit because I don't know that I will be well enough to deliver.
Hence the wall. I ran face first into the granite cliff called CFS. I must move forward yet I don't know how. My body is so frail, I really don't feel capable of marching forward with the resolve and persistence that it takes... my son (14 going on 140) pointed out that I'd lost faith in myself. He's right. I believe so much in the spirit that is Max, but I have no idea what I'm capable of anymore and because of that I am reluctant to sell myself because I have failed to deliver too many times... that is why it was so important for the book to do well. I know I can write. I know I can encourage others. At this point those are the only two things I am sure of.
Declaring March my miracle month. Going to take all the energy I have and focus it on this one goal. God is going to work in my life and this mountain is going to shift. A door is going to open and somehow, by grace I will have the strength to walk through.
"I declare I will experience God's faithfulness. I put my trust in Him knowing he will not fail me".
And so it is...
ps: my blog is ProsperityIsMind@blogspot.com I welcome guest posts from all who believe in the power of the mind to change your life.
Replies