hope is rising.
I can feel a difference today. I feel like this is the first time since coming to "the conclusion" that I don't feel labeled by it. It simply is, and life keeps going. Not that I want to forget about it or not deal with it-- I do, most certainly. But I feel like it's simply part of my life, and not who I am.
I feel such a lightness. I felt this yesterday as well. It's a good thing, certainly. It's hope, filling me up and changing me. Hope in a God that will not leave me alone, a God that will cover me under the shadow of His wings and restore my ruins compassionately.
I know that this is a process. There will be good days and bad days. Even while I spent most of today being sick, I knew that the Lord was with me, and my family was taking care of me. This is also the first day that I heard back about a job interview (long story, but I've been desperately searching for a job) and that's a fantastic turn of events!
But I do think that beginning to talk about this openly with trustworthy women in my life has changed the game. It let me out of a dark, terrible prison cell in my mind where I'd been sitting for months wondering why I felt the way I did. It let me see the brick wall in my head which blocks me out of my own memories. Now that I know that wall is there, I feel such relief. I'm not crazy-- there really are memories missing. And there really are symptoms pointing to something nefarious. I know that counseling will help a whole lot, and I'll start that a week from today. For now, I know the Lord is carrying me, and that I am being supported by such kind people in my life.
Thank you, for those of you that have been encouraging and supporting me. This is a good step! I'm excited to see what roads lie ahead.
I feel such a lightness. I felt this yesterday as well. It's a good thing, certainly. It's hope, filling me up and changing me. Hope in a God that will not leave me alone, a God that will cover me under the shadow of His wings and restore my ruins compassionately.
I know that this is a process. There will be good days and bad days. Even while I spent most of today being sick, I knew that the Lord was with me, and my family was taking care of me. This is also the first day that I heard back about a job interview (long story, but I've been desperately searching for a job) and that's a fantastic turn of events!
But I do think that beginning to talk about this openly with trustworthy women in my life has changed the game. It let me out of a dark, terrible prison cell in my mind where I'd been sitting for months wondering why I felt the way I did. It let me see the brick wall in my head which blocks me out of my own memories. Now that I know that wall is there, I feel such relief. I'm not crazy-- there really are memories missing. And there really are symptoms pointing to something nefarious. I know that counseling will help a whole lot, and I'll start that a week from today. For now, I know the Lord is carrying me, and that I am being supported by such kind people in my life.
Thank you, for those of you that have been encouraging and supporting me. This is a good step! I'm excited to see what roads lie ahead.
Replies
A quote for you to remember:
Don\'t judge me by my past.
I don\'t live there any more.
Keep trusting in God. You CAN do this!!!
You are so very blessed to have come to this realisation of how God is truly there for you and with you all the time at such a relatively early age and stage in your life. It took me a whole lot longer to get to that point in my life, and so I stayed locked in the sad dark place in my mind for far too long. May you be so filled with God\'s grace and light, and feel His arms around you even on those tougher days.
I am reading a beautiful book called Captivating: Unveiling The Mystery Of A Woman\'s Soul by John and Stasi Eldredge. It has been so uplifting for me, you may want to check it out on Amazon and see if it appeals to you .
Hi, you are absolutely right about the coming out of the dark prison and talking openly about it. I am so glad you have people in your life that is giving to time, space and love to talk about these things. Speaking of this is the beginning stages of healing. I am praying for you xxx gentle hugs.