Hope is gone

 This depressive phase has got me down. I want to ascend to my true self. In order to do that I  have to shed the flesh. To shed the flesh I have to die. I can`t kill myself because that is not what God wants me to do. So I lay in bed waiting to hear the voice of God. But it never happens. I am miserable and feel like  I want to die so I can be me. I am not me as long as I am trapped in the flesh. I have to die to find out who I truelly am.