Hope for 2013

Though I have grown in many ways this past year in amazing miraculous ways with God, I still fall short and struggle with hurting myself. I’m finding that hurting myself has changed it’s purpose. It used to be to control the painful memories by creating present ones and allowing my other personalities to act out when I did not allow them to come out. However, now it’s different. I’m not sure how to define it. I think it could be a combination of issues. I think I’m trying to punish myself due to self loathing, to physically alter my emotional state of emptiness and preventing my other personalities to come out. 
This January 24th will be my anniversary of being out of the hospital for one year! That is amazing for me. I drove around for 10 months with a bag packed to go into the hospital at any time. I was ready to be baker acted again, but somehow, by the grace of God, I was able to unpack that bag in November and see hospitalization not as a necessity. 
My hope this year is to be free from acting out in all ways and that God would supply the faith I need to carry this out! I find myself walking in constant fear of change. Yet, I know that “Faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.” Hebrews 11:1. I need Your sweet and strong Spirit to help me God. I know I cannot do this on my own strength and understanding. This is beyond me. Teach me God to flow in the wind of Your love! I lift up my friends who struggle with the same issues and I ask that You would show Yourself to them. In Jesus name I pray!