Hooo Am I Knackered!

Been an exhausting bunch of days.  Day in and day out, just seems to wear at me a little at a time, I need a recharger.  And honestly, I have a gift certificate for a free massage that Joey got me for Mothers Day 2010...but I've never had a massage and I'm creeped out at the thought of a stranger touching me....but I may have to cave and try it.
 
I have been getting two to three hours a sleep a night.  Marlow has suddenly taken to waking up anywhere between 11pm and 1am...and staying up until about 3am.  Granted, we snuggle on the couch...she just lays there, but she's awake.  And I can't sleep with her...at all.  Too many bad scenarios run through my head.  So I lay there, wide, well, half ass I guess, awake, praying she start snoring soon.  And if I move too early, all the waiting in the dark, staring at the street light through the branches of the tree in our front yard, is for naught.  And I have never been one of those people who can lay down and zonk in a nano second.  Regardless of level of exhaustion, the quickest I have ever fallen asleep is 45 minutes after I lay down...but it's usually more like 2 hours.   No word of a lie.  I lay there, in the dark, every night, for around 2 hours.  And then, when 5am rolls around and I finally fall asleep...my daughter pops up like a daisy between 8am and 9am.  Even earlier some mornings!
I think she may be cutting her eye teeth, but I can't really check, as she uses my finger like a chew toy if I insert it into her flapper.
I'm working more.  It's been 5 hour shifts.  But now I start two hours before my shift.  I have to get Marlow ready, we walk to the sitters, I have to drop her off, detangling myself and trying not to let her tears cause me tears, race to the bus stop, ride the bus for half hour, then get to work.  It's tiring.  And it kills my whole day.  No longer can I do a load of laundry before work, or mop the floor.  Plus, we are paying a sitter, so I'm always paranoid that my not so reliable other half will be late getting her and we will have to pay more.
Bills are crushing down this month.  We had hoped to afford a little family vacation in July.  But now, I don't know.  I don't know if I will get it off, due to work politics and the fact that even though I booked it off first....the girl who booked it off after me has been there longer, and is the bosses best friend.  So both of those will help her case.  So I may not get the time at all.  Plus, I don't think we can afford it.  Insurance just raped our savings, and Joey has a $400 ticket due in July.  Stupid Canadian tickets...grrrrr...always sooo much!
Marlow is also going through this crazy silly phase.  Like while getting dress, she likes to go all limp noodle and she laughs and laughs.  Or she will head bunt your rear end while walking behind you, or she has it in her head that throwing shoes around the house is okay.  Sometimes, some of it is cute, but other times....I just want to get her dressed!  I just want both my shoes to be where I left them.  There are other things too.
Also, I want to get her into a toddler bed.  But I can't get the damn toddler locks on her dresser drawers, so I asked Joey to help.  He said yep...and now it's been almost two weeks of them just sitting there....   And the grass in our yard has taken a beating and looks like crap, and the grass seed he just had to buy was $45!  We got a swing set for Mar, and he built it wrong, so now he has to redo it...and hasn't.  Ever try to explain to a toddler that they can't go on the swing because it's broken...without telling them it's broken because daddy won't get his ass in gear and fix it?
And we got Mar a bike, and she LOVES it.  Just a trike with a seat belt and a handle.  She can pedal herself, but she get's tired fast...she is only 21 months.  And we got her a shiny new helmet.  But it has rained every day since the first day we got it.  It got so sad seeing her put on her helmet, backwards most of the time, and then sit and stare out the window, asking sporadically if she can go for a bike ride.  I took the helmet to the garage one night to stick it with her bike....hoping out of sight out of mind.  But she still asks.
I can't wait for summer and some smoother sailing.  Common life, it's due time!!  :)

Replies

Pen125
Pen125

Hey Jolene, go for that massage..
joleneLS
joleneLS

It\'s really hard for me to go for the massage, I have a deep fear of strangers touching me. I\'ve never ever like them touching me, but it got worse after my uncle. I start to hyperventilate thinking about it. I do want to go though. But even if someone touches my shoulder I cringe and back away really quickly. It took me weeks of dating Joey to let him even hold my hand, almost a month before I could let him kiss me! The thought of letting him touch me before I knew him really well freaked me out.