Home from IP
15 days of COMPLETE HELL later and I am HOME!
Just got discharged from IP at Sheppard Pratt this afternoon...starting the day program at the Renfrew Center in Bethesda, Maryland tomorrow. Will do that for a month or more and then step down to IOP there and then back to my OP team.
I'm so pissed right now and nerouvs and angry and ahhh.
I just found out that Renfrew doesn't want me to see my Outpatient T while i'm there. I NEED to see her. It's been OVER two weeks. I MUST see her. My T in treatment SUCKED MAJOR BALLS. I'm so sad righ tnow. I don't know what to do :( I'm going to ask them tomorrow if I can see her JUST ONCE this week before treatment REALLY gets underway.
My heart is racing a million times a minute....ya probably because of my fucked up heart but also because I'm so scared and terrifed and nervous. I hve just wanted to cry since coming home...oh and I BARELY got discharged today. but ya....
Well I kept a HUGE journal on paper while in treatment. Tomorrow after the day program I'm going to start typing it all up...well the important parts and i'll post that....
But I am alive. Happier and Healthier. But scared to all shit. I don't know if I can continue this at home :( I"m so nervous- but I guess that's why I am going to a day program.
Mis syou all and I am so sorry that I have not been in touch very much :(
Hope everyone is doing okay...don't think I'm going to be on here much to comment and such- but i'll still be writing my journals. In a month or so when I'm more stable I'll probably come back full time to commenting. I feel selfish but I know I need to focus on myself.
Love and Support to all,
Steff
Just got discharged from IP at Sheppard Pratt this afternoon...starting the day program at the Renfrew Center in Bethesda, Maryland tomorrow. Will do that for a month or more and then step down to IOP there and then back to my OP team.
I'm so pissed right now and nerouvs and angry and ahhh.
I just found out that Renfrew doesn't want me to see my Outpatient T while i'm there. I NEED to see her. It's been OVER two weeks. I MUST see her. My T in treatment SUCKED MAJOR BALLS. I'm so sad righ tnow. I don't know what to do :( I'm going to ask them tomorrow if I can see her JUST ONCE this week before treatment REALLY gets underway.
My heart is racing a million times a minute....ya probably because of my fucked up heart but also because I'm so scared and terrifed and nervous. I hve just wanted to cry since coming home...oh and I BARELY got discharged today. but ya....
Well I kept a HUGE journal on paper while in treatment. Tomorrow after the day program I'm going to start typing it all up...well the important parts and i'll post that....
But I am alive. Happier and Healthier. But scared to all shit. I don't know if I can continue this at home :( I"m so nervous- but I guess that's why I am going to a day program.
Mis syou all and I am so sorry that I have not been in touch very much :(
Hope everyone is doing okay...don't think I'm going to be on here much to comment and such- but i'll still be writing my journals. In a month or so when I'm more stable I'll probably come back full time to commenting. I feel selfish but I know I need to focus on myself.
Love and Support to all,
Steff
Replies
Don\'t feel selfish. You need to focus on yourself. Coming home from IP is the hardest thing ever. I think it\'s harder than going in because everybody expects you to be \'healed\' and you get the compliments on looking so much better which translate into fat. And everybody watches you like a hawk eating. I could go on and on. Just know that you are not recovered but in recovery and try to tell that to your loved ones and ask for help.
You know the therapist thing is normal. I wanted to see my OP therapist and my IOP therapist at the same time but they said it is unethical and can\'t happen. So I decided on my OP therapist and skipped the single sessions with the other one. Maybe that is a possibility for you. Hope you can calm down a bit and relax. One day at a time babe.
steff, you are right, now is the time to focus on you, you need to. i can relate to the ip and op treatmeant and coming home, only it is based on severe depression. about 13 yrs ago i was in the psch ward for 5 days and all my parents could say was when am i getting out and be better. they were helping to take care of my 3 young children. i was dischared to soon, i felt pressured and lied about how i felt. most everyone thought that , thank god shell be better now. well obviosoly i wasnt. i went to the pshy er many times after that and finally into a 5 day a week op program. i went there for 6 weeks. i was as karrin says, recovering but not recovered. it is very hard when you are \"done\" with professional treatment, for some reason people think your cured, i guess its because they want it that way, for you and for them. day at a time, hour by hour. hugss