Holy crap!! It's 2010!! :)

Good News & Bad News; I haven't b/ped in about 2 months or so.. The end of November/beginning of December.. Christmas stress gets to me every single year.. __ I started to cut whenever I get stressed.. Basically I just traded purging for cutting.. I know not much better.. Whenever I feel like purging I eat more, I can't begin to tell you how much I've gained. It seems the more I gain the more my self-esteem goes out the window.  I hate my body...---My sister had her baby back in October '09, a baby boy. She named him Jaxon Kyle.  When my niece was born I never knew I could love someone so much, 15 months later Mr. Jaxon came into the world & I couldn't believe how much love one person could have for such a tiny person that didn't belong to them.  I am amazingly greatful for my sister  & her beautiful children.  They may not know it but along with their cousin Skylar, they saved their Aunty's life in soo many ways. My cousin Skylar got me through my first breakup with my first boyfriend (who I have spoken to lately, i've gotten over the fact that he cheated.. He now has a daughter named Ava)  I put all the time I could into babysitting her & her older brother, I realize now that I should've paid much much more attention to Ashton, no one really knew but that poor 10 year old was suicidal.. I wish I had known sooner, I would've tried to be there for him.. His mother reconized the signs & took him to the doctor. Thank God everything worked out alright.  I had been so hard on him during what would've been the time that he felt that way, he was acting out soo much. His parents had just separated & his little sister was stealing his spotlight. I had tried to go easy on him because I know it can be hard to go through something like that, my parents divorced when I was about 4, for about 3 years it was just my mom, my brother, my sister & me, when I was seven I answered the phone while my mother slept, who else should it be but my father. On & off for the next seven years he would take us for the day or for the night & we would spend time with him (& his very young new girlfriend, who is very nice & helped me & my sister get through some tough shit, & her 3 year old daughter) & no matter how great the visit went he would ALWAYS bad mouth our mother (who is the most amazing person you will ever meet) my father may have been abusive but my mother had the strength to kick him to the curb to protect herself & her three young children & I am soo glad she did, dispite the 'quirks' the three of us have we turned out pretty well rounded. I thank my mother almost every day for not giving us everything we desired, we are not spoiled we do not expect much, just the respect, love & kindness every person deserves.   --- My Aunt Heather (from my dad's side) is getting married this summer, August 14th. She wants me to fly to the other side of the country to be in her wedding..   I really wish I could afford it, I'm trying to get a job but with the way this damn economy is & with my.. 'limited' education I'm not going to get a very good job..  I just met this woman not too long ago & she wants me to go out there & be in her wedding, I don't have a clue what she's like.. just dramatic.  It's not that I don't wanna go but I won't get on a plane for just anyone.. I hate flying :(  -- I have my niece & nephew for the night tonight (well, it's actually morning now... the sun is coming up)  my nephew is in with me while my niece is in with my mom.. Jaxon looves the swing my mom has, it swings side to side instead of back & forth & it has a mirror right above his head, he'll sit in there for hours & talk to his reflection :) It's amazingly cute!!hehe He's smiling in his sleep.. I looove being an aunty, it's the most amazing feeling by far!  -Perfection.