Holidays over but pain continues....

Thankfully the holidays are over now, but the emptiness in my soul continues on. After losing my Mom on 12 - 26 - 2015 nothing in my world has been the same. As soon as she had drawn her last breath the world around me seemed darker, and colder. It felt as if my heart had been ripped out of my chest, and the hole was left gaping open. How do I continue my life without someone that was always such a vital part of my world ? Mom was my everything - my friend, companion, confidant, defender, advocate, protector, confessor, and reedemer. I'm sure that noone in the family understood my link with Mom. The only thing that others in the family saw was the youngest sibling that they assumed was spoiled, and pampered, too much. As a matter of fact that couldn't have been farther from the truth. 

There was no way I would have wanted Mom to suffer any more in the condition she was afflicted with due to the Parkinson's disease she suffered, but still I couldn't help with that she could have had more time on this earth. I am grateful beyond words though, that now Mom is whole again and enjoying her eternal rest in heaven. I hope she's found eternal peace, love, and happiness, in heaven. Imagining her in heaven gives me some relief from my pain, since I know that it's not all about me. Mom suffered 12 long years with Parkinson's disease. That was far too long to be afflicted with such a vicious, and progressive disease. 

Now I'm still adjusting to life with a family so divided it's as if we don't have a family anymore. My sisters never make a real effort to talk to me, and my brother definitely never contacts me. It seems to me as if they're trying to pretend that I don't exist. It makes me wonder if I had been successful back in '85 if they would have actually been filled with grief, or not.