holidays over.....

I'm so glad , sorry to say it but I am, that the holidays are over, hasnt been the best year, when I lost my Giz that thru my life upside down, I was always ready for Christmas, then my Keegan took a turn for the worse, today hes doing so well, almost like a puppy , his diet has totally changed and hes eating food hes never eaten before and each time he looks at me with those sad eyes I know I cant give in, his favorite (and mine) thing to eat is toast, so I no longer eat it just cause I cant stand saying no to him but I try all the things he can have on his list..today, radishes lol he LOVED them ! I'm hopeful to get back on track with the new year, we'll see, I've isolated myself a bit more than usual with Giz's passing, I just saw my daughter Christmas eve and didnt see anyone else, I didnt even call them and thats sad,,I appear out going and god I talk to so many at work and just have a great time, I appear so social then when time to go home , I am so gone and no one hears from me, if I never saw people I would be just fine, thats so abnormal, pretty sad , I just feel so empty,I dont even know how to try to help myself and to be honest I make no attempt to change that behavior, just in a rut, when I tell you I have no friends here I mean that, my best friend moved to Boston, he and i saw each other everyday now we do talk on the phone but its not the same,I miss him very much, because of circumstances of my childhood there arent many that I let get close and he was one I did..we saw each other everyday for my god 15 years , am I rambling or what !!!