Holiday Blues Now
Dear DS diary,
I have reached the point already where I really no longer give a (cuckoo) about the holiday season anymore, and it's only the 8th of the month. It's still a good two weeks plus to Christmas time and I've already had enough of it.
Of course, it's really not helping that the season is getting pushed a lot harder, it seems, and a lot faster every year now. It just seems like there is too much expectation to have holiday cheer, to have gifts for others...everything. And it's really not helping that my mother has gone cuckoo for the season...she already has most of the house lights up.
I feel as cold-hearted as the Grinch. I just can't into the spirit of the season. I just can't. It's asking too much when I'm having new anxieties every day and they seem to be getting worse. This morning I had another toilet episode, and this one was definitely not forced. I fear I am going to be having more of those as the month goes on because I really don't have any outlets. It's complicated. I'm so afraid of being addicted to stuff because I've been down that road several times...that I have no de-stressors. None. It doesn't feel good.
But this is how it is right now.
I have reached the point already where I really no longer give a (cuckoo) about the holiday season anymore, and it's only the 8th of the month. It's still a good two weeks plus to Christmas time and I've already had enough of it.
Of course, it's really not helping that the season is getting pushed a lot harder, it seems, and a lot faster every year now. It just seems like there is too much expectation to have holiday cheer, to have gifts for others...everything. And it's really not helping that my mother has gone cuckoo for the season...she already has most of the house lights up.
I feel as cold-hearted as the Grinch. I just can't into the spirit of the season. I just can't. It's asking too much when I'm having new anxieties every day and they seem to be getting worse. This morning I had another toilet episode, and this one was definitely not forced. I fear I am going to be having more of those as the month goes on because I really don't have any outlets. It's complicated. I'm so afraid of being addicted to stuff because I've been down that road several times...that I have no de-stressors. None. It doesn't feel good.
But this is how it is right now.
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