holidays

Its almost Christmas and I was someone that enjoyed it more than the average person, I could listen to xmas music all year , put my tree up at seeing one flake, have had it up in October !Once in July !!! Its up now but there was no thought into it,presents are bought and wrapped , I have no feeling other than I want it over, Giz loved christmas, I dont know how a little dog could know what day it was but come christmas morning he'd be running from gate to gate trying to get in the dining room where I have the tree, he'd be jumping with excitement when we'd let them in there and this year he wont be here with me, I cannot stand to hear a christmas song , as soon as I hear one I change the station, Keegan never realized it was a special day he just knew he had many new toys and it will be Baileys first christmas, I dont know how the day will go, I cant think about him all alone in the cold in my yard while we're supposed to be enjoying the day, god how that little guy loved christmas, so like a child, I would always wonder how he knew ..even when we had presents for them , they'd be wrapped, and they didnt go in that room , but he'd go gate to gate crying and my hub and I would just be amazed, like he could smell them, i dont know how to prepare myself for what I know will be a sad morning , I cant help it, I see that little face in my mind and I cant stand it, I want it over..theres no excitement or even a twinge of happiness over this holiday just dread