Holding Steady III
5 more days to take off for the road trip. The panic attacks continue as we continue preparations. I am working to hold my arithmomania in check and deliberately derailing my compulsive counting and calculating psycho-ticks but most of the panic attacks are in regard to animal care. I have grown considerable confidence in Y's honest integrity, but she remains a city girl who has far more romantic notions on farm animals than practical experience. Still. . . Ya gotta start somewhere and I do trust both her desire and her ability to accept life on life's own terms. I have yet to see her go into high-stepper/germaphobic paralysis at an unpleasant mess. I amnae certain I've ever seen her wrinkle a nose at an unpleasant odor, much less fall into masked hysteria.
My harsher panic attacks remain the Maskite politics.
Inside my own strictly personals, the only people I lost to COVID were elderly medical miracles who dedicated their scientifically bestowed second chances on making themselves and everyone around them miserable. Science gifted most of them with more than one second chance. Their deaths were an end to considerable suffering for all.
I believe this is the mindset I am projecting on to all the remaining maskites who are doing their damndest to drag out the misery of Coronaville. Last week the media catch phrase was, "Immunocompromised." This well-publicized minority is feeling, "Left Behind" in the re-opening of the world. Odds are at least some of the stories of selfless saints lost are true, but again I conjecture from my personal 100% that the vast majority are the isolated control freaks whose personal lives didn't change much for the global shutdown. Doctor visits are the only social distances they have closed in decades. Several have fessed up to having enjoyed their year of mainstream normalcy. They **like** their mask collections and would like continue using them on the rare occassions they go out in public. The return of indecently exposed smiles has them morally indignant. Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
Again I forgive myself for having the nursing, sooth-saying and mind reading talents of a bulldozer and focus on letting God lead the Dance. Small steps, big faith and lots of prayer. Just attempting to find words for ^it^.
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I want to be of help but I hope with all the commotion of the trip ahead and all the action with the kids
can just distract you from all the worries. Have a good day Arfie!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9z8qlU2mGGc
Thanks Mark. You help more than you give yourself credit for, just by being there.
The psych theory I am working here is just taking inventory of my anxieties before we test the system by taking these porch monkeys on a road trip. Even without all the masked yaddahs, that would be daunting prospect. We have come a long way since the loss of Mommy and Daddy, but I'm not confident we can handle another global shutdown away from the precious shred of stability we have managed to establish in spite of the Maskite invasion.
Still. . . I believe the drive is holding steady and for sure it would break the little hearts if it fell apart now. Of course Baby Sis is clueless what the plans are, but Big Bro and Big Sis have seen "Road Trips" on tele and are hot to give the notion a whirl.
I am hot to spend some time with my beloved rivers. At the Port of Paducah you can watch the sunrise over the confluence of the Ohio, Tennessee and Cumberland Rivers, all in one sitting. It is, hands down, the most enchanting sunrise this sunrise connoisseur has ever basked in. I miss my rivers.
that sounds really nice!