hmmmm.

last night i laid in bed wishing with all my heart.....to turn off the pain sensors.

rapid fire detonation. not the worst pain, just ongoing strikes.  lightning like pain attacking nerves, joints, muscles.

it confuses the hell outta me.  if fibro is nerve pain primarily, then what is all this other mayhem?  ok, i know it's cause my spine is screwy......and my joints are squirrely.......and my muscles never catch up to a restorative state no matter how i try.  it's all a very long game of ring around the rosy......pain caught in the posy, ashes, ashes........all fall down.

be more concrete.  ok, ummm, there is pain in my left elbow.  i gingerly straighten it, there is numbness in my right hand......i cautiously move it.......pain hits my left bursae......then the hip joint......then the right elbow.......what am i doing?  lying still. 

get up to go to the bathroom, my right knee catches......hurts, i fall onto the terlet  (a word for toilet taken from the show All in the Family).  there is pressure in my rib cage.....this has been going on all day.  pressure that seems to spring upward.....into my neck, the back of my brain.  limited turning radius in my neck.  just sit still.....don't look around.......

the right elbow hollers out again........i move it slowly.  my glands ache....(daily hello from CFS/ME)...i gently massage them, the muscles in my upper neck/shoulder area ache. a deep deep ache.  i have a massager thingy, but getting up seems like a bad idea.

lately my time out of the house is very limited.  not a longer run......4 - 6 hours.  now it's get what you got to get done done and go home.  it's disheartening. 

but now....at 5 pm thursday i have taken a shower, which was GRAND!  clean & shiny, fresh jammers.....the dishes all piled into the dishwasher, it's humming along.  i feel less awful .........a lot less awful. still sleepy, still funky.......but less wonky.

last year in may i felt amazing.  i got to do so much gardening.......let's move on.

the latest?  the speedometer on the geezermobile went crazy......all of a sudden it was going really fast......the car wasn't thank the good Lord.......but while i was going 40-45 it was reading 75-80.  yikes......what will this COST? debbie said she would ask her mechanically minded hubby. she came to clean on monday.....thank God for Debbie.  she was having a tough day, but she comes in and does a great job no matter what.  she is so hard on herself.......she needs and deserves our prayers.

one of her cleaning clients is refusing to eat.......it's too long to go into now......but suffice it to say she doesn't have a life ending situation, she is in her mid 40's.......she does have a condition that requires a medical device she must use 24/7 for the rest of her life.......and there are probably medications she must take......but many people with her issue are able to live good lives......not the same as before, but good ones.....less active but still productive.  her mother just turned 90.......she is afraid she will be burying her daughter soon.  this 40 something year old woman has a daughter who has a 3 year old........she is afraid mom won't last much longer.  i don't know if this is a result of mental confusion or what exactly.......but debbie says she is so thin that it's very scary..........can we pray for this woman and her family.  so many people love her......and she's stuck in a bad place.

after a pedicure, big thanks to LISA, she did a great job!  i stopped by an auto shop......it was too late in the day to get a diagnoses.  i agreed to bring the car back to the auto repair at 2 yesterday. got home and wiped out..........woke early, fed the kitties and conked back out.......woke up feeling freaked at 1 pm.  tossed on some clothes, grabbed some food.....and headed to the auto place.  in the end it was a matter of brain fog and not having a complete understanding of all of the geezermobile's buttons. 

somehow i turned the MPH OFF and switched it over to KM........kilometers.  oh my .......

so my speedometer wasn't broken, it was simply vacationing on the autobahn in EUROPE! 

geeeez........so relieved that it was a simple fix......all Shawn had to do was push a button.  one of the good guys!  thank you Shawn.......he fixed another issue.  he checked the air pressure on all of my tires (added air) and then was able to reset the sensor that continuously announced that my tire pressure was not right.

that lit announcement has been on for......over a year.  and all a body has to do is hold a particular button down for say 30 seconds and everything is well again.  (two other repair shops told me this would be an expensive fix......hah! you go SHAWN!)  he said he used to work for GM in Michigan......how lucky blessed am I?

sara called about mothers day......she threw out some ideas:

go to Lake Lanier and hang out in nature

go to a Karaoke bar and sing our lungs out

go to lunch around 1:30 allowing for church and/or sleeping in.

i have been craving steak for awhile now......steak is not really in my budget, so steak would be real fine. from there we tossed a few ideas around.......a ninja steak house.....or longhorns.......whatever ends up will be nice......she offered to host the meal at her home, cook on the grill, but with her fibro i didn't want her to take on all that work.  ya never think it will be as much work as it is.......but it always ends up being way more than you think........i didn't want her wiped out before we even began.

i got money from the insurance company.......still waiting on one more amount of about $200.  glad to have this ALMOST but NOT QUITE behind me.  my own healthcare insurance still needs to be sorted out.  they haven't called this week nor has the other driver's agent called as promised..........but eventually things will get done. not as quickly as i would like..........but EVENTUALLY.

i've typed enough.......i love your face......take care of dear wonderful you..........dance in the moonlight even if it's just in your head.............!