hi ho kermit the frog here

i am finding right now 'it's not easy being green.' i feel the weakness and the strain that goes with having 
mental illness. I went to do my volunteer thing at the hospital yesterday but I left soon after. I didn't feel well, and for some reason my neck really hurt - I felt feverish and so I came back. I let them down and so I felt worse. 
I went to work today and I guess I did an ok job but generally felt like getting the 'f---' out of there. It's like I just want to take time off, find a new place to live and get on with life. I guess I am thinking 'big picture' issues and feeling very controlled by life.
I just feel crappy and would rather slurp down some 'drink' and escape rather than deal with sorting out how i feel. I know we all have to deal with shit. I think I complain maybe because I can. I am trying to find solace or maybe a way to take care of things in a way that's adult. ahhhhhhh i just want to not deal with stuff.