hi ho HERMIT the frog here
I made my way to the pub and i had some misgivings since I would share my exposure there with my parents. Once I got there it just looked so dirty, so I made my way back to Agoura. I thought to go to Emil’s bakery but came to Starbucks for a hot chocolate. :)
I really appreciate my therapist. I was tired and flimsy but it impacted me when she said she 'was here to maintain the status quo."
She's on my side and I appreciate it very much.
It also made me think why I don't aspire like I might have a long time ago. Ideally some day I wish I could support myself but just feel so flimsy.
I thought about it some more as I was sitting here - and I weighed the issues at hand - I wondered why I can so effectively work on some tasks and then directing my own path or vision it's as though i see the need for an icon or perfect and fault free - and then I shut down - anxiety or flimsiness -
but I thought about it some more - I thought about how I can't fulfill a picture - people aren't meant to -
we're human - and people aren't perfect - and likewise when I go for a goal - I've got to consider that -
and take it a step at a time - and maybe with that framework I can understand others - in so far as
our mutual aspirations - and pressures - and spirit. I've never been good at business relationships
and relationships in general since my illness progressed.
I feel maybe I can have better sense of relationships if I stick with this set of thoughts and grow as well
in a direction...I may not be all the things that some might think that americans or people in general are supposed to be -
or somehow fit the fairy tale of the collective unconscious - but maybe I can keep moving forward
with a sense of understanding and humanity for myself as well as the goals I set out to have.
Even now I am starting to feel flimsy again - but I don't know if I have expressed this well.
It’s weird how the daunting goal makes me mentally go ‘offline’
But I’m sitting here lonely and inept at relationships. If I’m in search of iconography to know where I fit… perhaps this (my life) is one story of mental health issues....
and maybe that's a point to start.
Replies
Mental health issue stories show bravery, resilience and often profound compassion for others. In my mind, those stories are of great significance and they matter. And they help others.
Thanks Nikki
Es verdad. You sound like you’re comparing your story to everyone around you, feeling enigmatic frailty. Maybe you’re not as out of sorts as you’re feeling at the moment - and that other people feel the same way? I think as you venture out and have forthright conversations with others things become much more relate-able scenarios. Takes honesty to locate that methinks.
Happy Friday, monsieur grenouille.
Thanks! Ribit
It’s weird, after going out and then coming back and sitting in front of the tv it’s like I need to know who I am…I need to be reminded. That’s probably a universal issue. I suppose my remedy is to do some kind of thing that will help me embrace and engender that notion. Many years ago when I would be on my own I would become filled with woe and sadness and would call my family to talk me down. Now in the spirit of self responsibility I know I have to answer that for myself to some extent. I’m sorry I won’t be going to the Treepeople tomorrow. That’s an important affirming part of my routine. I’ve got deliveries and the wedding to go to....
Knowing who you are….. maybe there’s a complexity in it alongside therapy and learning how to navigate mental health issues…… but I think everybody’s got a core essence and that can be a worthwhile discovery to prioritize. That “real” core essence.
Be safe driving and have fun at the wedding. I hope that frog legs aren’t on the menu!!!!
haha - thanks Nikki!