here on the island
here on the island all is quiet.
the fog lends an air of privacy, solitude.........the faded winter grass, the damp rain soaked earth waits for another bid from the sky..........let it rain, let it rain.
no my darlings, not a geographical island......i am moored, tethered to this red clay earth. here, quietly and sleepily listening to the singing birds. it is a bright hopeful concerto..........where is my whistle? i purse my lips, blow - nothing comes out..........i used to be a songbird.......now the song is within. within the words.........i miss the doing. is this a sign of feeling sorry for myself then?
i don't know.......not really.......sort of, a little bit. i'm not without laughter.........promise. i was reading last night.......and the author spoke of stopping to seek joy and laughter every day.........felt like i was reading the words of a kindred spirit. sometimes it is beyond hard to inspire ourselves day after day and we need the encouragement and wisdom of others. they may not know the trials.......our specific trials, but the words are wise and invaluable. last night i sat here working on the computer, listening to the grammy's...........and the words i heard stopped me........the voices kept singing "Carry On.......Carry On.......by a group of lads called F.U.N..........and I thought that too is such a familiar thought to me. perhaps to some the world is a random nonsensical place, i find it reassuring to be reminded that when my hopes are slipping down a rock face with limited strength.........i am guided back to the blessings, to the gifts of how to do this life. how to be alright........how to lift up my eyes and seek the Lords grace and peace. how to Carry On...........
I am never going to be a formal sort of person........never. I suppose sitting here surrounded by a mist I can imagine myself to be a stoic lady in a pill hat with a veil - a Jackie O suit and pristine gloves........but no. I am my father's daughter and my mother's little girl always and always. ladylike, earthy and often irreverent as all heck. i got a momma's steel backbone when needed and a desire to laugh that sustains in ways that surprise me........laughter is important......like air and water. don't lose your red clown nose boys and girls........it is vital, especially for those who deal with challenge. And we all have our challenges..........xoxoxoox. Sometimes on the life track we try to fly over the hurdles but it doesn't work. We're weary, we can't conquer the hurdle like we used to......we can't simply sail over the bar. We all face times when we knock the hurdle bars down, we slip, we fall, we scrape our knees......we bruise, we falter.......we fall. Remember that song, " I get knocked down, but I get up again......nothing's gonna keep me down?" It helps......to keep getting back up. To keep trying. Sometimes the impossible isn't a physical feat we can no longer command, it is the adjustment to this life, this very day and the next - in all the tomorrows that come. Listen to that song.......it is important to keep getting UP AGAIN. That's the thing that helps nurture the human heart and spirit within you. It keeps hope alive when so much we knew has been swept away. It is finding the beauty in this day........nurture those small but MIGHTY seeds of the beauty & wonder that is you ALIVE. Glowing and growing, never give up on precious amazing you.......never! Look at what comes by adding a little water, sunlight, air and HOPE.
A beautiful red cardinal just landed on the top of the chair's leafy iron scrollwork on the patio.........I can't breathe.......so incredible. Thank you Lord for nudging me to turn this table back to the open sky.
I break off bits of my window garden plants - put the small wobbly stems in little bud vases on the mantle.......with the earth asleep it cheers me to watch these bits of green grow new roots.........do that for your own spirit in some way every day. You are precious, I promise.......you are! Do something that helps replenish your spirit. Grow something, read something, learn something........pray about something......and laugh.........every day find a small smile......xoxoxo.
On the tough days.......lean in and float......just do the back float as needed......until you can do a little bit more. I promise to keep you in my prayers dear friend.
This morning I woke up irritated by one small demanding cat........mew mew mew mew, my pal Rio. He is a talk talk talker........I got up and padded to the front door to look out at the silent shadows of gray mist......the sheer beauty of an earth blanketed in this eerily pleasant beauty.........then closed the big red door to the great out of doors. I wanted time alone (RIO FREE EUROPE) (...if you're old like me this might make sense, remember how announcers used to say Radio Free Europe??? anyhoo......) .....I pushed the bedroom door shut. Rio meows and meows and meows ........I wanted everybody to be QUIET in my morning library. I wake up slow......I want Rio to hushhhhhh. Rio is part kitty, part radio..........the part that rattles me noives!
I answer the call of nature..........Rio bumps the bedroom door and in he flies. I didn't wait to hear the door click.........yikes! He gets right to the bathroom door and I holler, "Out!......Get OUT! I don't bug you while you're using the litterbox.........scoot!"
(when did the master bathroom become MY litterbox exactly?---------)
He skittered to an abrupt halt.........little Rio skedaddled..........he took off.......and then being unable to resist......came back, inching closer and closer........."OUT!", I commanded. You would think that I am the conductor of one of the world's great orchestra's........usually quiet occasionally erupting into fierce demands. I'm just one very tired girl , no baton to lead the band........annoyed by one very demanding talkative kittums. Annie lies on my spot........on the bed.......where I have slept all night, patiently waiting for me to lead the way into their kitty breakfast. She is fine with the routine.......little Mr. Rio is fussing & rushing to start the day. When the birds sing I like it, when Rio talks in the A.M. it sounds like a "hurry up or I'll break yer kneecaps" chant.
I can't believe I ordered a cat OUT LOUD to stay out of "my litter box." IF that is not a sign that the company of others is warranted and soon........I don't know what is. Am I a cat now? Feline with those strangely glowing eyes? I have no whiskers thank the good Lord..........no long curling tail that I feel compelled to chase round & round.......perhaps I still retain some human characteristics after all.
I wish I could take a cooking course. I wish I were slightly rich for a wee bit so I could have someone come in & teach me what I want to know.......there are many things about cooking I wish to learn......I want to change what I am cooking.......and there is so much I think I should know how to do.....but after skimming the cookbook I am in very unfamiliar waters. I suppose a modern young lady would blog about this as she takes up the challenge of this new ideal of cooking. Presently I feel overwhelmed. I don't even know how to get the soft little garlic cloves out of their hard white papery shells. I don't.........and feel so stupid that I don't. I usually use the stuff in the jars very sparingly. I like a bit of garlic, but not much. Would like to know how to get inside to the goodness.......don't know much about bok choy or fennel or kale for that matter. I can say & spell them, but not very knowledgeable about how to cook them. Is flaxseed meal common at the corner grocer? Is quinoa similar to rice or is it more like cream of wheat? There is a dizzying array of spices being used. I planned on using my money to live on in retirement........but I may need to take out a govt. loan in order to come up with all the pretty spices they use in these recipes. Does everyone but me know that an ancho chili is the dried version of the poblano chili? I never even heard of an ancho chili until last night. I am an unborn culinary baby it seems. Didn't anything from the food network invade me brain at all? S i g h , old dog seeks to learn new cooking tricks.......
While reading this book.......I literally had to stop and pray. Lord do not let be overcome and fearful of what I am unfamiliar with. Lead me away from frustration, discouragement.......infuse me with joy......the joy of learning something new. I have time........I have basic skills.........I have the internet, there seems to be a youtube instructional on just about everything right? I can be dim witted at times, but deep down I am an AmeriCAN........not an AmeriCAN'T. Even if I go north I would be a CANadian......and if I went south I would be a MexiCAN. I know, seriously a twerp.......but I thought here in North America I seem to be surrounded by CAN...........so knock off that T AGAIN & figure out a grocery list this week. Start small and steady.......no rush to win this race. You can do it.
I want to adopt a healthier eating plan. I do not own a food processor either. Am I the last kitchen in America to not have one? I have a basic cheapie blender........and I can chop stuff on the good days. Is there an inexpensive great food processor without too many bells & whistles? Much to do, much to do.
Feel like the new kid at heart healthy cooking school. It occurred to me that if I want to be around for the best life I can live I need to try harder......I need to give it a real shot. My Mom passed away of a stroke and my Dad died of heart disease. These genetic markers are up close & personal - I don't want to live forever......but I am not anxious to leave our mighty blue & white marble dangling in the sky either.
Don't mean to be preachy-ish. I do have days when I make good choices, but a lot of the time I reach for stuff that is not so great & my middle is spreading...........so to that end, I ordered a mechanical scale (my digital scale changes it's mind about the final answer every time I stand on it) and enrolled myself in "Sparrow's At Home Cooking Skool for Skeert Little Jello Babies".........gotta learn to crawl before you can walk right? (why jello? cause jello shakes & trembles!!!!!!!)
My insecure self tells me that "the whole world knows how to do everything I don't know how to do".......I know, pretty dumb, but it happens ---- I am old enough now to pull a Deputy Barney Fife.......and "NIP IT!" That's what good 'ol Barn would say........"Nip it, nip it, nip it!" He even uses his hands to demo how to NIP it........it looks like a good ol Karate chop.
So I am gonna be brave, keep reading & get there. I can do it.......I can nip it!
I don't wanna be the nosy prying neighbor.......and in truth I don't know the lady across the street real well, but we have been neighbors for a long time. Sigh...........as much as I am home alone, she makes me feel absolutely social.........cause of ya'll. I hope she has a group of friends like this to talk to. At first I thought she probably had the flu.......but I've seen her go run errands.........so now after a 3-4 weeks I think she must have been another person victim to downsizing, job cutbacks......the worry of so many loved ones. Her son has been coming home more, he is a student at the art school near downtown ATL.........glad to see him coming round more. I have ventured over there twice and knocked, she does not answer. I don't want to upset her or be intrusive........I've been praying for her. She didn't answer when the tree trimming guys sent out by the county came either. They tried for several days to talk with her and finally they just went ahead and cut away at tree tops and limbs. Would it be odd for me to put a note card in her mail box.......give her my contact info again and let her know I'm here if she should ever want to talk......is that too much?
So I suppose I hope ya'll will pray for this lady neighbor of mine. I am embarrassed that I cannot recall her name............it is Lurleen or Lureen or Laydeen --- something quaint and southern.......an unfamiliar name that never seems to stick in that vacuous space above my shoulders. I used to have her name and number in my rolodex. I have not seen that since the first floor reno work last year. I lost me rolodex. So sad........mostly yes I am being sarcastic. I don't know where my head or the readers on top of said head are most of the time. There is a small brown bird hopping about on the patio.......another reminder to pray for my neighbor.......we all can use the blessing of prayers.
How can I share this one thing.......here it is.......here in my journal I share internal thoughts often......regarding faith and prayer.......about God watching over me, about his protection and care. I don't do door to door faith rallying.......I try to live my faith, when I am live and in person I don't talk about it so much.........a life renewed & led by God is the best way for me to live......to find my way to hope .......many days may seem dark and hopeless........I feel God's love just like a hand resting on my shoulder.........I feel his warmth, his love......it is alive, it is close, it is personal.......it brings me great joy. Hope that wasn't too sloppy for ya'll.......this journal is a place for self care - a look at not only why I live, but how I live.
Gone on for too long again and it is not earth shattering or the creation of rock n' roll, but it is a comfort to come here and shed some words and thoughts. I know I probably have a serious overload of e-mails and I am so very behind with ya'll.........I promise I do pray, I think of you and pray for you........God helps me remember and he is good to nudge me to pray about your journeys.
I am working on the self pity. I am trying to get off it.........and think about other things than me sorry self. Wherever I go every day I am always right here and that should be comforting........but since I am so often my only live companion I grow weary of ME, ME, ME. I miss YOU, YOU, YOU!
Thank you Lord for the birds that sing - lift up my heart & spirit this day. Help me be brave, help me keep their sweet song a living wondrous thing..........to be alive is a gift, a blessing.........Amen Lord, Amen. (and Lord could you help me hear Rio's voice with joy........? some joy? a little bit of joy......I hear ya...... I have to step up too. But Lord doesn't everybody deserve a little peace & quiet when they use the litter box? .............................xoxoxo)
the fog lends an air of privacy, solitude.........the faded winter grass, the damp rain soaked earth waits for another bid from the sky..........let it rain, let it rain.
no my darlings, not a geographical island......i am moored, tethered to this red clay earth. here, quietly and sleepily listening to the singing birds. it is a bright hopeful concerto..........where is my whistle? i purse my lips, blow - nothing comes out..........i used to be a songbird.......now the song is within. within the words.........i miss the doing. is this a sign of feeling sorry for myself then?
i don't know.......not really.......sort of, a little bit. i'm not without laughter.........promise. i was reading last night.......and the author spoke of stopping to seek joy and laughter every day.........felt like i was reading the words of a kindred spirit. sometimes it is beyond hard to inspire ourselves day after day and we need the encouragement and wisdom of others. they may not know the trials.......our specific trials, but the words are wise and invaluable. last night i sat here working on the computer, listening to the grammy's...........and the words i heard stopped me........the voices kept singing "Carry On.......Carry On.......by a group of lads called F.U.N..........and I thought that too is such a familiar thought to me. perhaps to some the world is a random nonsensical place, i find it reassuring to be reminded that when my hopes are slipping down a rock face with limited strength.........i am guided back to the blessings, to the gifts of how to do this life. how to be alright........how to lift up my eyes and seek the Lords grace and peace. how to Carry On...........
I am never going to be a formal sort of person........never. I suppose sitting here surrounded by a mist I can imagine myself to be a stoic lady in a pill hat with a veil - a Jackie O suit and pristine gloves........but no. I am my father's daughter and my mother's little girl always and always. ladylike, earthy and often irreverent as all heck. i got a momma's steel backbone when needed and a desire to laugh that sustains in ways that surprise me........laughter is important......like air and water. don't lose your red clown nose boys and girls........it is vital, especially for those who deal with challenge. And we all have our challenges..........xoxoxoox. Sometimes on the life track we try to fly over the hurdles but it doesn't work. We're weary, we can't conquer the hurdle like we used to......we can't simply sail over the bar. We all face times when we knock the hurdle bars down, we slip, we fall, we scrape our knees......we bruise, we falter.......we fall. Remember that song, " I get knocked down, but I get up again......nothing's gonna keep me down?" It helps......to keep getting back up. To keep trying. Sometimes the impossible isn't a physical feat we can no longer command, it is the adjustment to this life, this very day and the next - in all the tomorrows that come. Listen to that song.......it is important to keep getting UP AGAIN. That's the thing that helps nurture the human heart and spirit within you. It keeps hope alive when so much we knew has been swept away. It is finding the beauty in this day........nurture those small but MIGHTY seeds of the beauty & wonder that is you ALIVE. Glowing and growing, never give up on precious amazing you.......never! Look at what comes by adding a little water, sunlight, air and HOPE.
A beautiful red cardinal just landed on the top of the chair's leafy iron scrollwork on the patio.........I can't breathe.......so incredible. Thank you Lord for nudging me to turn this table back to the open sky.
I break off bits of my window garden plants - put the small wobbly stems in little bud vases on the mantle.......with the earth asleep it cheers me to watch these bits of green grow new roots.........do that for your own spirit in some way every day. You are precious, I promise.......you are! Do something that helps replenish your spirit. Grow something, read something, learn something........pray about something......and laugh.........every day find a small smile......xoxoxo.
On the tough days.......lean in and float......just do the back float as needed......until you can do a little bit more. I promise to keep you in my prayers dear friend.
This morning I woke up irritated by one small demanding cat........mew mew mew mew, my pal Rio. He is a talk talk talker........I got up and padded to the front door to look out at the silent shadows of gray mist......the sheer beauty of an earth blanketed in this eerily pleasant beauty.........then closed the big red door to the great out of doors. I wanted time alone (RIO FREE EUROPE) (...if you're old like me this might make sense, remember how announcers used to say Radio Free Europe??? anyhoo......) .....I pushed the bedroom door shut. Rio meows and meows and meows ........I wanted everybody to be QUIET in my morning library. I wake up slow......I want Rio to hushhhhhh. Rio is part kitty, part radio..........the part that rattles me noives!
I answer the call of nature..........Rio bumps the bedroom door and in he flies. I didn't wait to hear the door click.........yikes! He gets right to the bathroom door and I holler, "Out!......Get OUT! I don't bug you while you're using the litterbox.........scoot!"
(when did the master bathroom become MY litterbox exactly?---------)
He skittered to an abrupt halt.........little Rio skedaddled..........he took off.......and then being unable to resist......came back, inching closer and closer........."OUT!", I commanded. You would think that I am the conductor of one of the world's great orchestra's........usually quiet occasionally erupting into fierce demands. I'm just one very tired girl , no baton to lead the band........annoyed by one very demanding talkative kittums. Annie lies on my spot........on the bed.......where I have slept all night, patiently waiting for me to lead the way into their kitty breakfast. She is fine with the routine.......little Mr. Rio is fussing & rushing to start the day. When the birds sing I like it, when Rio talks in the A.M. it sounds like a "hurry up or I'll break yer kneecaps" chant.
I can't believe I ordered a cat OUT LOUD to stay out of "my litter box." IF that is not a sign that the company of others is warranted and soon........I don't know what is. Am I a cat now? Feline with those strangely glowing eyes? I have no whiskers thank the good Lord..........no long curling tail that I feel compelled to chase round & round.......perhaps I still retain some human characteristics after all.
I wish I could take a cooking course. I wish I were slightly rich for a wee bit so I could have someone come in & teach me what I want to know.......there are many things about cooking I wish to learn......I want to change what I am cooking.......and there is so much I think I should know how to do.....but after skimming the cookbook I am in very unfamiliar waters. I suppose a modern young lady would blog about this as she takes up the challenge of this new ideal of cooking. Presently I feel overwhelmed. I don't even know how to get the soft little garlic cloves out of their hard white papery shells. I don't.........and feel so stupid that I don't. I usually use the stuff in the jars very sparingly. I like a bit of garlic, but not much. Would like to know how to get inside to the goodness.......don't know much about bok choy or fennel or kale for that matter. I can say & spell them, but not very knowledgeable about how to cook them. Is flaxseed meal common at the corner grocer? Is quinoa similar to rice or is it more like cream of wheat? There is a dizzying array of spices being used. I planned on using my money to live on in retirement........but I may need to take out a govt. loan in order to come up with all the pretty spices they use in these recipes. Does everyone but me know that an ancho chili is the dried version of the poblano chili? I never even heard of an ancho chili until last night. I am an unborn culinary baby it seems. Didn't anything from the food network invade me brain at all? S i g h , old dog seeks to learn new cooking tricks.......
While reading this book.......I literally had to stop and pray. Lord do not let be overcome and fearful of what I am unfamiliar with. Lead me away from frustration, discouragement.......infuse me with joy......the joy of learning something new. I have time........I have basic skills.........I have the internet, there seems to be a youtube instructional on just about everything right? I can be dim witted at times, but deep down I am an AmeriCAN........not an AmeriCAN'T. Even if I go north I would be a CANadian......and if I went south I would be a MexiCAN. I know, seriously a twerp.......but I thought here in North America I seem to be surrounded by CAN...........so knock off that T AGAIN & figure out a grocery list this week. Start small and steady.......no rush to win this race. You can do it.
I want to adopt a healthier eating plan. I do not own a food processor either. Am I the last kitchen in America to not have one? I have a basic cheapie blender........and I can chop stuff on the good days. Is there an inexpensive great food processor without too many bells & whistles? Much to do, much to do.
Feel like the new kid at heart healthy cooking school. It occurred to me that if I want to be around for the best life I can live I need to try harder......I need to give it a real shot. My Mom passed away of a stroke and my Dad died of heart disease. These genetic markers are up close & personal - I don't want to live forever......but I am not anxious to leave our mighty blue & white marble dangling in the sky either.
Don't mean to be preachy-ish. I do have days when I make good choices, but a lot of the time I reach for stuff that is not so great & my middle is spreading...........so to that end, I ordered a mechanical scale (my digital scale changes it's mind about the final answer every time I stand on it) and enrolled myself in "Sparrow's At Home Cooking Skool for Skeert Little Jello Babies".........gotta learn to crawl before you can walk right? (why jello? cause jello shakes & trembles!!!!!!!)
My insecure self tells me that "the whole world knows how to do everything I don't know how to do".......I know, pretty dumb, but it happens ---- I am old enough now to pull a Deputy Barney Fife.......and "NIP IT!" That's what good 'ol Barn would say........"Nip it, nip it, nip it!" He even uses his hands to demo how to NIP it........it looks like a good ol Karate chop.
So I am gonna be brave, keep reading & get there. I can do it.......I can nip it!
I don't wanna be the nosy prying neighbor.......and in truth I don't know the lady across the street real well, but we have been neighbors for a long time. Sigh...........as much as I am home alone, she makes me feel absolutely social.........cause of ya'll. I hope she has a group of friends like this to talk to. At first I thought she probably had the flu.......but I've seen her go run errands.........so now after a 3-4 weeks I think she must have been another person victim to downsizing, job cutbacks......the worry of so many loved ones. Her son has been coming home more, he is a student at the art school near downtown ATL.........glad to see him coming round more. I have ventured over there twice and knocked, she does not answer. I don't want to upset her or be intrusive........I've been praying for her. She didn't answer when the tree trimming guys sent out by the county came either. They tried for several days to talk with her and finally they just went ahead and cut away at tree tops and limbs. Would it be odd for me to put a note card in her mail box.......give her my contact info again and let her know I'm here if she should ever want to talk......is that too much?
So I suppose I hope ya'll will pray for this lady neighbor of mine. I am embarrassed that I cannot recall her name............it is Lurleen or Lureen or Laydeen --- something quaint and southern.......an unfamiliar name that never seems to stick in that vacuous space above my shoulders. I used to have her name and number in my rolodex. I have not seen that since the first floor reno work last year. I lost me rolodex. So sad........mostly yes I am being sarcastic. I don't know where my head or the readers on top of said head are most of the time. There is a small brown bird hopping about on the patio.......another reminder to pray for my neighbor.......we all can use the blessing of prayers.
How can I share this one thing.......here it is.......here in my journal I share internal thoughts often......regarding faith and prayer.......about God watching over me, about his protection and care. I don't do door to door faith rallying.......I try to live my faith, when I am live and in person I don't talk about it so much.........a life renewed & led by God is the best way for me to live......to find my way to hope .......many days may seem dark and hopeless........I feel God's love just like a hand resting on my shoulder.........I feel his warmth, his love......it is alive, it is close, it is personal.......it brings me great joy. Hope that wasn't too sloppy for ya'll.......this journal is a place for self care - a look at not only why I live, but how I live.
Gone on for too long again and it is not earth shattering or the creation of rock n' roll, but it is a comfort to come here and shed some words and thoughts. I know I probably have a serious overload of e-mails and I am so very behind with ya'll.........I promise I do pray, I think of you and pray for you........God helps me remember and he is good to nudge me to pray about your journeys.
I am working on the self pity. I am trying to get off it.........and think about other things than me sorry self. Wherever I go every day I am always right here and that should be comforting........but since I am so often my only live companion I grow weary of ME, ME, ME. I miss YOU, YOU, YOU!
Thank you Lord for the birds that sing - lift up my heart & spirit this day. Help me be brave, help me keep their sweet song a living wondrous thing..........to be alive is a gift, a blessing.........Amen Lord, Amen. (and Lord could you help me hear Rio's voice with joy........? some joy? a little bit of joy......I hear ya...... I have to step up too. But Lord doesn't everybody deserve a little peace & quiet when they use the litter box? .............................xoxoxo)
Replies
Thank you, Sparrow for such a heartfelt share. I would never have survived this difficult years of illness and isolation without the near presence of the Lord, and the fellowship of people like you on DS. Hope you find some good tutorials on cooking fancy stuff. Sounds like yummy fun. I so appreciate your prayers - I pray for you all the time.
Goodness, that font size is TINY....have to go find my binoculars :) I guess everyone\'s lost that font size / colour thingy huh? I have a picture about the Pity Pit in my photos....did you see it? We all go to the pit though, it\'s normal. xxoo
Loved this whole thing. You are so introspective! I guess when we are our only company, we do have the time to sit and wonder, and contemplate....and CONQUER!!! Yes, you write words of truth and wisdom, Sparrow.
I think you saw two different birds during this writing. Maybe that\'s God\'s way of saying \"Good Morning Sparrow. When people let you down, I have other little creatures, THAT I MADE....just to keep you company. Cuz you are just so special.
Hey, there, Love how U think!!!!