Here it is.
This is hard for me to face but it needs to be done.
Sarah has Pulmonary arterial hypertension and has to go to a specialist for regular check-ups. Her appointment the wednesday before last did not go well. During her bike test, she passed out. When she came to and had recovered they talked to her about lung transplants. This is scary stuff.
It's not that she needs it now but she will do at some point, that could be 10 or 20 years away. They want to put her on the pre waiting list for a transplant, which should fast track her, should it be needed. The stats on survival aren't encouraging.
70% of patients survive the op but run a 50% chance of suffering rejection of the organ anytime within 5 years of the op.
I run a very high risk of losing my wife and I am petrified, feeling weak and pathetic.
That's issue number one.
My sisters wedding was the weekend before last and I was tasked with escorting her down the aisle and giving her away. A job I was proud to do. My grandad was supposed to do this with me and I have never felt so inadequate as I did that day. Stepping into his shoes, in any capacity makes me feel vastly inferior, weaker and a slight embarassment to his memory.
I know it's irrational, I have this discussion with myself but this is how I feel.
My aunt also failed to show at my sisters wedding, although her daughter made it down from london to attend. This has caused a nice rift in the family. If grandad were here he would be seething at his daughters actions. It is almost as if his death has granted them all to start treating each other appallingly. My Mum feels excluded by her siblings and I cannot do a thing to solve any of it.
I hate feeling powerless, only my nan can sort out her kids and only the doctors can save my wife, I just have to watch and hope.
Sarah has Pulmonary arterial hypertension and has to go to a specialist for regular check-ups. Her appointment the wednesday before last did not go well. During her bike test, she passed out. When she came to and had recovered they talked to her about lung transplants. This is scary stuff.
It's not that she needs it now but she will do at some point, that could be 10 or 20 years away. They want to put her on the pre waiting list for a transplant, which should fast track her, should it be needed. The stats on survival aren't encouraging.
70% of patients survive the op but run a 50% chance of suffering rejection of the organ anytime within 5 years of the op.
I run a very high risk of losing my wife and I am petrified, feeling weak and pathetic.
That's issue number one.
My sisters wedding was the weekend before last and I was tasked with escorting her down the aisle and giving her away. A job I was proud to do. My grandad was supposed to do this with me and I have never felt so inadequate as I did that day. Stepping into his shoes, in any capacity makes me feel vastly inferior, weaker and a slight embarassment to his memory.
I know it's irrational, I have this discussion with myself but this is how I feel.
My aunt also failed to show at my sisters wedding, although her daughter made it down from london to attend. This has caused a nice rift in the family. If grandad were here he would be seething at his daughters actions. It is almost as if his death has granted them all to start treating each other appallingly. My Mum feels excluded by her siblings and I cannot do a thing to solve any of it.
I hate feeling powerless, only my nan can sort out her kids and only the doctors can save my wife, I just have to watch and hope.
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