Here it is.
This is hard for me to face but it needs to be done.
Sarah has Pulmonary arterial hypertension and has to go to a specialist for regular check-ups. Her appointment the wednesday before last did not go well. During her bike test, she passed out. When she came to and had recovered they talked to her about lung transplants. This is scary stuff.
It's not that she needs it now but she will do at some point, that could be 10 or 20 years away. They want to put her on the pre waiting list for a transplant, which should fast track her, should it be needed. The stats on survival aren't encouraging.
70% of patients survive the op but run a 50% chance of suffering rejection of the organ anytime within 5 years of the op.
I run a very high risk of losing my wife and I am petrified, feeling weak and pathetic.
That's issue number one.
My sisters wedding was the weekend before last and I was tasked with escorting her down the aisle and giving her away. A job I was proud to do. My grandad was supposed to do this with me and I have never felt so inadequate as I did that day. Stepping into his shoes, in any capacity makes me feel vastly inferior, weaker and a slight embarassment to his memory.
I know it's irrational, I have this discussion with myself but this is how I feel.
My aunt also failed to show at my sisters wedding, although her daughter made it down from london to attend. This has caused a nice rift in the family. If grandad were here he would be seething at his daughters actions. It is almost as if his death has granted them all to start treating each other appallingly. My Mum feels excluded by her siblings and I cannot do a thing to solve any of it.
I hate feeling powerless, only my nan can sort out her kids and only the doctors can save my wife, I just have to watch and hope.
Sarah has Pulmonary arterial hypertension and has to go to a specialist for regular check-ups. Her appointment the wednesday before last did not go well. During her bike test, she passed out. When she came to and had recovered they talked to her about lung transplants. This is scary stuff.
It's not that she needs it now but she will do at some point, that could be 10 or 20 years away. They want to put her on the pre waiting list for a transplant, which should fast track her, should it be needed. The stats on survival aren't encouraging.
70% of patients survive the op but run a 50% chance of suffering rejection of the organ anytime within 5 years of the op.
I run a very high risk of losing my wife and I am petrified, feeling weak and pathetic.
That's issue number one.
My sisters wedding was the weekend before last and I was tasked with escorting her down the aisle and giving her away. A job I was proud to do. My grandad was supposed to do this with me and I have never felt so inadequate as I did that day. Stepping into his shoes, in any capacity makes me feel vastly inferior, weaker and a slight embarassment to his memory.
I know it's irrational, I have this discussion with myself but this is how I feel.
My aunt also failed to show at my sisters wedding, although her daughter made it down from london to attend. This has caused a nice rift in the family. If grandad were here he would be seething at his daughters actions. It is almost as if his death has granted them all to start treating each other appallingly. My Mum feels excluded by her siblings and I cannot do a thing to solve any of it.
I hate feeling powerless, only my nan can sort out her kids and only the doctors can save my wife, I just have to watch and hope.
Replies
pm\'n yooz
Your goin threw so much!! I hope your wife pulls threw. Its an honor that you were able to give your sister away. I\'m pretty sure it made her happy.
ahh mate, i honestly believe in the next ten years we are going to have massive breakthroughs in stem-cell research. huge advances are going to be made. they can already replicate lung tissue now, which was thought to be un-replicateable.
stay firm and supportive, and huge hugs and blessing for you and your wife.
keep watching, keep hoping
It is sad when families start to drift apart. You are right though, when a parent (or grandparent) passes away family dynamics change. There may be feelings amongst your mother and her siblings that were \"managed\" by their father, and now that he is gone they are doing as they each see fin.
As for your wife, wow, that is a hard situation to deal with. All you can do is to keep with the doctor appointments, learn as much as you can, and make changes that will improve the odds.
Gentle huggins.
My thoughts and prayers are with your wife, Sarah. Research for new treatments is on going. I know you are loving and supportive, so many blessing and well-wishes to you and your wife.
What a wonderful honor, giving your sister away. Your grandad was in your heart during the ceremony. Many blessings going out to you, your wife and family.
we`ve chatted privately of course, but you know where i am if you ever need anything further my good sir! hugguns
Thank you everyone. I feel a little shit for the \'worst case scenario\' thoughts I have going on at the moment. ALmost like writing another human off before it happens.
look at it this way - you know what the worst case scenario is, but the chances are it`ll never come to fruition, so the reality is almost certainly going to be better :)
I am so sorry to hear about your wife. I can\'t imagine the fear you are feeling of possibly losing your wife. I think putting her on the pre waiting list will help further down the road when she needs it.
I am sure your grand dad was smiling as you walked your sister during her wedding. It is something she will never forget. I\'ve read that men feel the need to fix any problem that comes up. However, there is not much you can do to fix your family. They have had a lot of years of dysfunction together. You can howerver help your Mom to know she is well loved with or without the support of her extended family. And, with you as a son I am sure she understands this.
im not going to pretend i know much about any of this or give you a huge speech on how to correct the world as i have no idea myself, all i can say baz is my number is in your phone, my email in your contacts and am usually around if you need a shoulder if its more serious than i shoulder i am able and willing to come down and stay man.
I am trying so very hard not to let this wash over me and take me under but I am failing. I failed to go to Bob\'s monday because of my mood and I have done nothing but mope and sleep. It seems since I got this out here and at counselling, it has just added to what I\'m feeling. Sarah says she\'s ok with it, being cold a practical as always but admits it would be worse for her if it were me or William with it. In that way she understands what is going on in my head.
Just wish I wasn\'t being so weak about it. Then I could be of actual use to those around me.
You\'re probably more helpful than you realize. Be easy on yourself. The mood will eventually lift... lean on your friends for a bit, that\'s what we\'re here for silly :)