Her friends
Cassi's friends are moving on...it hurts so much to see it...how can they??? We promised to stay in touch, but I don't really hear from them. I suppose I am a reminder of what they lost and truly I don't want to talk about anything else but Cassi. I will admit, I tried to keep them close to keep tabs better on Cassi...but I still considered them my friends too.
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It really hurts to see others getting on with their lives. I have to remind myself that Lisa\'s friends are younger and have life to live. Their relationship with me was because of Lisa. Without her here, they don\'t feel the need to include me in their lives. But it does hurt. I also think it hurts them to see me without Lisa.
I have had to carve out a whole new life for me. It wasn\'t that easy, and I still have bad days but mostly life is okay.
Love and huge hugs of understanding,
Marlene
Many of the young have never been aquainted with death, and certainly a death of this magnatude. I believe you will get occasional messages but those kind of hurt too, such as when they get married, have/adopt children... I do hear you, honestly!
Understanding how this feels as I watched it with my son\'s friends. One of them in particular kept a watchful eye out on us for quite some time and then it was time for him to move along. When I feel a prompting I send a text from time to time just to say that I\'m thinking of them and hopeful all is well in their lives.
It is a natural part of the process for these young people and I don\'t for a moment ever think it has anything to do with a lack of care. Life is in the fast lane for them and they are moving forward and don\'t be surprised if from time to time they do reach out so I have found keeping the door open has been a blessing.
We cling to anything that can bring us a tangible moment of our children. I know... To witness their friends living their lives and reaching milestones that we had hoped our own would pulls very tightly on the heartstrings. Deepest of sighs...
With you and caring dear Gina,
XO Joanie
Forget it. Unless they are mature adults (over age 40, my daughter had one friend in that category who befriended me on Facebook and \"grieves with me\") these are kids. They move on. This is you daughter. She was their \"friend\". I told April over and over again, even in real life friends are not always friends. After Middle School, she never had any in real life friends, she just couldn\'t do it (socially, Aspergers, then because of her paranoia, oncoming psychosis). Her \"best friends\" were \"online\" and only one kept in touch with me for a very short time. These are kids (early to late 20s), life goes on. Stop contacting them. The validation of the importance of your precious daughter\'s life does not at all depend upon ANYONE, not even you. It is only God who matters here. You will love her until your dying day and then beyond: Reunion. Let those kids go their own way, Mother. They can\'t help you.
It hurts to see friends whether yours or Cassis move on. But they are kids, I am sure they will think of Cassi and remember all the wonderful times. You might still hear from them from time to time but it won\'t be the same, their connection to you is no longer. Text or email them from time to time to let them know you still care. Hugs, Ann
Hi Gina, it hurts to see other kids reach the milestones Cassi will not although I know you wish her friends all the best. Regardless, it is still hard.
And her friends may not know what to say or how to act. Often, I feel people are afraid something they say may inadvertently cause us pain.
I like what Ann suggested; call or text them from time to time & let them know you are thinking of them.
Hugs, Linda
the 2 girls who were so close to Morgan,, have grown up,,,, they have not forgotten ,, Kylene has Morgan\'s signature tattooed on her wrist,,, she leaves flowers and notes at the cemetery,,, both Kylene and Michelle come here on her angelversary... they would not miss it.... but they have moved on,,, and I cry...
It\'s only normal for them to move on...that\'s what our kids want them to do. Yes it is hard for us because we know our kids will never reach the same milestones. But like grief itself the longer we are on the journey, we eventually do realize grief will now be part of our lives forever and we learn to live in spite of it. xoxoxo to all you SOTH
It is hard to watch their friends moving on, becoming distant. It feels like another loss, another connection to our child gone. But at the same time it is what is natural. Bih hugs! Sue xo
I agree with everyone, Gina. All our children\'s friends have to live their lives and we wish them the best. The pain is ours but I wish they realized how hard it is for us to not have the connection with them. I would not be greedy, just a phone call or visit once in a while. I see how they are all doing on facebook and it makes me even more lonely. I truly wish them only blessings. The same for us. Love to you all!!!!
Oh sweetie, I don\'t know what to tell you! My son, Michael, well his g/f at the time wrote on and on about how he died loving her and she would love him forever etc. Now, she is in a relationship and has a beautiful little daughter. I rarely hear from Michael\'s best friend anymore, but it is okay. I want my own son, who lost his brother, to move on and how could I expect/wish/hope for those who were not so close to him? I have learned over the years that no one will be or should be in the state of grief that I am. It hurts but sometimes down the road, it will become a huge blessing when others remember (which they do) but then let you know that they do.
Peace.
I know. We all do.
For about a month after the accident my home was filled every single night with teenagers. Sometimes my husband and I would be in bed already for the night and the doorbell would ring. We\'d get up, let a bunch of kids in and cook dinner....I\'m talking at 10 and 11 O\'clock at night sometimes! Kids! They sure keep different hours!!! LOL! Then slowly, but surely, as it should be, fewer friends would show up, nights would be skipped, until it all came to an end....as it should.
I told each of her friends, \"you prove your love to Kala by LIVING your life and aspiring to reach your goals.....not by sitting in my living room crying forever\". And I meant every word!!
Anyway, since Kala was a senior in high school and since the accident happened during Christmas break, there was MUCH going on at school for the next 5 months.....senior awards day, prom, graduation, etc. With each milestone for her friends, my heart ached a little more.
Her friends went to prom, graduated, went on to college, got married, and had babies. Each time I smiled, and each time I cried. And each time I would ask WHY? Why didn\'t Kala get to have these experiences....
Slowly, why didn\'t seem to matter anymore, it became about how to live my life to honor my child as I told her friends to do. I just read a great journal written by Joanie, livingjuicy, talking about changing WHY to HOW. It\'s one to read over and over again! If you haven\'t read it yet, please do.
Bottom line Gina....life does continue in forward motion. Our goal and responsibility to ourselves, our children, and this universe is to continue in forward positive motion. You are doing just that!!
Tightest of heart hugs sweetie pie~~
Selfishly, part of what I feel is that his friends don\'t check up on me, see how I am doing, that they would do this for Doug, make sure his mom is ok. But I realize that is not their job. Again, I think it is about losing that link to our child.
YOUNG PEOPLE MEAN WELL BUT REALLY DON,T UNDERSTAND DEATH AND GRIEF. HOW IT EFFECTS ADULTS. SO THEY DO MOVE ON, SORRY THE SAME THING HAPPENED WHEN MY DAUGHTER PASSED AWAY. ALL HER SO CALLED FRIENDS DID,NT EVEN COME TO HER MEMORIAL. I JUST FELT DEVASATED. BLESS YOUR ANGEL HUGS MARY ANN.